6 Feet Apart
Aches For More Love in their Heart
“Can we travel there when Corona is over? Can we have a play date when COVID is over? I want to see my friends! This sucks %#@& can’t wait for this shit to be over!”
A million and one thoughts of these children nowadays end with, "When," "If," "Corona is over, can we…" These are challenging times for children of all ages. If we adults perceive the void of socializing, traveling, visiting family, can you visualize these fragile beings' intense difficulty? How do we compensate for these yearning and troubled emotions?
I have been told kids are resilient over and over. I never believed it so I asked many psychologists and the consensus was NOT TRUE. Kids aren't born resilient. Resilience is developed and presented through proper resources. There is a wealth of support to encourage kids not to feel depressed, overwhelmed, anguish, and confused. I personally had hour-long meetings with District Psychologists to ensure and inquire about opportunities and programs available for all kids and even parents within our district.
If you haven't done so because you perceive your child is doing okay, I believe you should nevertheless consider it. We may neglect and disregard what we think are small details that are significant events for our children. I am not suggesting you convert into helicopter parents; you can still display a hand's off approach. However, you should certainly check-in and be proactive.
Children whose parents are asking, "Honey, how are you doing today? How are you feeling today? Is there anything you need or want to talk about? Feel extra validated. Then, go one step further, delve down, contact the school counselor or teacher, and ascertain where concerns arise. Why is your child feeling overwhelmed? How can you help? I check in all the time, and I do it without hesitation or humiliation. If nothing is wrong, you lose nothing. Except, if something is incorrect and you don't navigate a solution, it will only be a more consequential predicament to administer after the fact.
Hearken to your child's words, read between the lines. Understand their desires. What are they longing for? Most of the time, children want to be heard and acknowledged. Once they feel they have your support, they initiate their own power to diffuse the troubling emotions.
I interviewed copious children over the past few weeks, and here are their real LIVE (unedited, unfiltered) answers. I requested them to be completely open with no reservations and that this would benefit any parent reading; could this be your child and you may not even be cognizant?
Illustration by High School Freshman-coreen valbrun
PRIMARY SCHOOL
We have to learn how to not show empathy as in we cannot help someone up when they fall.
The world has changed since COVID.
Feels different when you have to wear your mask and stay 6 feet away.
I miss and don't like that I can't hug our friends.
Safety measures in school are a good thing, but some people are still getting sick.
I am tired of wearing the mask everywhere.
Yes, it makes me sad because I can't be with my friends as much I used to be.
It bothers me that I cannot see what people feel.
If possible I would change to make people laugh more and ave more fun.
This new life makes me sad because people are dying
I do not miss anything anymore. This is a new life and world where we need to find our way.
MIDDLE SCHOOL
We miss our cool handshakes.
Don't like online schooling because we feel easily distracted.
Tired of wearing masks
Miss interacting with other kids.
Miss holiday celebrations, nothing feels like it used to, and the holiday spirit is primarily compromised.
We enjoy less homework as it is less academic stress and allows more time with family at home.
Don't like sitting apart from our classmates during school.
Feeling a lack of friendships and miss them.
We find ourselves complaining more because we don't have an OUTLET.
Many teens are now wearing sweats and not dressing up as much. The new fad is dressing comfortably.
Safety precautions in school are a bit too much and cutting into our school friends' daily interactions. For example, different cohorts are separated by 3 minutes. This safety precaution decreases the number of kids in the school hallway between classes, but we literally don't see half our grade, which is already small due to half the school being remote school learners.
More teenage breakups because more rumors spreading too have more exciting during the pandemic
Feeling emotionally unstable - suffering from depression, anxiety, extreme OCD, ADHD, ADD.
Experiencing breakdowns for no reason - a lot of kids are trying to find love.
Feeling parents are psst off every day - because we are online all the time. After school, if we want to relax our minds and can't really go anywhere, we resort to online games or entertainment like TikTok, Minecraft, Roblox, Video Games, etc. Parents don't realize this is a stress reliever for us.
We feel desperate for excitement, so now we even argue over politics, whereas we didn't care much about vote preferences.
Mainly desperate for happiness Increased social awkwardness online.
More teens are watching porn because they are desperate for joy - and this is how incredibly lonely kids to entertain themselves.
HIGH SCHOOL
Keeping distance is annoying because we can't go to a friend's house.
Having to wear a mask is tiring; to wear a mask around your friends or having to turn away to take the mask off to breathe.
Events being canceled all the time. The entertainment on tv is less updated.
Safety measures in school are reasonable, but children should not be going to school because they are still not 6 feet apart in school and eat lunch together.
View society differently, the mask is now the new normal. It diminishes interaction with people.
I spend so much time at home, so I don't see my friends, making me feel sad.
Positive influences during quarantine are that many people improved their daily routines, realized they should be grateful that they are breathing and living, spending time with your family; also, people started appreciating nature.
Wearing the mask is the most annoying thing, taking it off and on and Gard to breathe and talk to people.
If changes could be possible, Creating more breathable masks.
We need a better spray for the air for bacteria to not linger around.
I think the safety measure is good bc it helps students follow the schedule and act more disciplined. Also, like the separation of online and in-person, even though online students have technical problems, it is not bad overall. So I agree with extra safety measures.
This new normal makes me feel sad because I can't see friends, travel plans canceled, bc cant is near people, and everything is balanced.
Afraid of people not following rules and feel paranoid going out when others are not wearing masks or taking seriously.
Mostly miss being my friends.
6 Feet Apart
Heart still intact : -(
COLLEGE STUDENTS
Do you feel your surroundings and the world has changed? For the better or, the worse?
My surroundings don't feel like they've changed because I'm still doing what I used to. Hanging out with friends, going to the gym, school, etc. Obviously, it's not how it used to be because of online schooling and different safety restrictions, but I don't see this as a detriment to my daily life activities because I don't let it rule me.
What bothers you the most about the pandemic?
- Stock market drop lost me money
- Some teachers aren't as understanding as others of the stresses that come with online schooling. ( for example, my Econ teacher won't let me make up an assignment I missed because of WIFI, but I will talk to him again today and try to reason it out)
What changes would you make if possible?
More interaction in the learning environment ( I grasp the material better in person )
Do you feel all the safety measures in school is a good thing or too much?
It's a good thing because it allows those who don't want to deal with people to partake in an online class.
Those who wish to study with others face to face can opt for in-person classes if that's their vibe.
OVERALL, both parties win because you can do what you want to. Obviously, some people are upset about paying tuition and staying home because dorming and parties are fun, but you can't always get what you want.
Are you tired of wearing the mask everywhere?
My gym doesn't force me to if I'm away from others. It doesn’t bother me, but It’s also annoying when I leave my house and forget to bring a mask to where I’m going. (Most places will have spare masks if you ask, though, so it’s not a problem for me.)
Does this new life make you feel sad, and if so, why?
I wouldn't say it makes me sad, but it definitely adds a sense of longing for something like the in-person class.
What do you miss the most?
CAN'T COMPLAIN BECAUSE MY LIFE IS AS I WOULD WISH IT TO BE RIGHT NOW.
Also, lots of my friends stayed back from college, so I get to enjoy their company for a little longer than I would've if COVID hadn't happened.
I can also ALWAYS appreciate being able to wake up 5 minutes before my class if I wish, which has granted me the opportunity for more/better sleep.
Does he feel his surroundings and the world has changed? For the better or, the worse?
My surroundings have definitely changed. The way I interact with the world is entirely different than what it used to be. I cannot reach out and meet new people because of this particular time of social distance. There is a vast disconnect I have from the world at large because of the fact that I can't truly interact with the people within it. However, these negatives are also positives. Being at home more has given me more time for me. Everything feels more straightforward. As a result of COVID, the "world wide web" truly lives up to its words now. When I open my laptop or phone, the world is truly at my fingertips. With a few clicks, I am in class, talking to a friend, shopping, reading the news, etc. There isn't the same feeling of continually being on the run and rushing to fulfill different plans or agendas. At first, this was great. I felt as though I could be more efficient with my day by not having to run around. It served as a great recharge and allowed me some serious time to focus on myself. But at this point, life just feels monotonous. I do the same things in the same place every day, surrounded by the same people (I still love you, mom). But I had plans of creating a club, meeting more people, and making memories. Unfortunately, all of that was cut short.
What bothers you the most about the pandemic?
The lack of balance in my life, there are evident imbalances present in my social life, a variety of daily activities, and more. I am stuck at home most of the time, doing the same things. I imagine it'll probably be worse as the weather gets colder because more options for having fun with friends in public places will be limited as everything moves towards having to stay inside.
What changes would you make if possible?
I honestly have no idea what changes I would want to make because none of the changes I really like are plausible with covid still around. If possible, I would make everyone immune to covid so that I could get back to living my life. However, I also think that once we do get back to a world without the problem of covid, we should still take lessons from the world we are living in now so that we can create a better, more efficient world in the future.
Do you feel all the safety measures in school is a good thing or too much?
I opted to stay out of school entirely right now. Most classes are online anyway, so that is the route that everyone I know is taking. I think that the media has definitely incited a more significant amount of fear than surrounding covid. That being said, it makes sense why we are taking these precautions, and I am glad that most colleges give people a choice and understand students wanting to take the steps they feel necessary to stay safe.
Are you tired of wearing the mask everywhere?
I am. Incredibly tired.
The thought of wearing a mask is honestly enough to keep me from going out sometimes. I'm young, and because of that, I am often anxious about breaking out. It is also hard to find a good mask that you can actually breathe in aside from the one-time-use masks, which has been annoying.
The one nice thing about that is that my skin never has any makeup on it (because I don't like wearing masks over makeup), so skincare has been my main focus. I discovered a new skincare routine that has really made a massive difference in my skin, so I am pleased about that.
Does this new life make you feel sad, and if so, why?
I know that this new life has definitely taken a toll on me at some points. I will often feel exhausted and experience underlying anxiety if I fall into one of those ruts. There have been too many times where I get so tired that I think I need a coffee and call a friend to go pick up coffee with. By the time I've spent a few minutes with my friend, it's as if I had a shot of espresso. It's at moments like these that I realize the toll that a monotonous life, lacking so much social interaction, ultimately takes on me.
What do you miss the most?
Honestly, I really miss getting ready for the day and going out with friends. One of my favorite things was always getting dressed in a cute outfit and maybe doing my makeup. I love that part of expressing myself because I find appreciation in aesthetics and fashion, and it's an outlet for creativity. Plus, who doesn't love to walk around, feeling glamorous? I know I could still do that at home by myself, and I have, but it's just not the same.
THE STRUGGLE IS REAL
ONLINE SCHOOL
Don't see any friends harder to make new friends.
Stuck at home.
Do not feel like raising our hands in class. Feeling anxiety if we don't understand something during a lesson but feel socially awkward to ask for clarification in front of other online students we don't know.
Why can’t I go to school and be with my friends?
When can we do something Fun in class besides write, write and write.
Easily distracted with doodling or iPhone apps or texting.
This new life makes me sad because online school is too much work, much more overwhelming than the initial lockdown. Leaves no time for anything, a walk, proper breakfast, going out for fresh air. I am online from 8am till 11pm doing homework and studying.
Initially, I was happy in quarantine until September when online school got more demanding and more strict.
Every Sunday night, I find myself waiting for Friday again.
I miss seeing people in real life.
I miss the SUN.
Alias
Madeline, Chuck, John, Skyler, Katie, Aiden, Naomi, Nicolas, William, Stefanie, Nathaniel, Jason, Kristin, Lori & Jake
SCHOOL PSYCHOLOGISTS
Are working almost every minute of their week hours and more trying to provide unlimited resources.
Meet on a weekly basis to brainstorm and orchestrate new ideas to alleviate pandemic stress.
Set up virtual workshops for parents who are stressed about their child’s emotional needs.
Ready to plan virtual workshops facing the increased amount of bullying.
Take bullying very seriously and initiate a full investigation.
Prepared an abundance list of links that show the importance of mindfulness.
Are just an email away anytime and extremely passionate about the well being of all children in school.
Orchestrated teacher weekly requirements and check list be sent in of teaching with their students.
Bring in outside organizations more equipped with specific topics to convey a strong message and solution to children.
Contact Your District Psychologist
They are an excellent resource. The more you know the better you can provide.
My Daughters Grades
the ‘C’ was my Green Light to ASK What is going on honey?
I am sure many of you think I may be overreacting to ONE ‘C’ when she is a straight ‘A’ student. THAT IS FALSE!!! I do not care at all about the grade in itself. We always tell our children we do not care about your grade as long as you try your best. It’s when you do not push your best, and we know you carry significant potential. We are stepping in to see if all is okay? I found out my daughter was too overwhelmed with all the online schooling and mainly took a history hit. We emailed the teacher, counselor, and I sat down with her for 9 hours, helping her understand and comprehend, and then a follow-up meeting with the teacher and counselor. In a week, she is doing so much better (as in less overwhelmed.) The grade is irrelevant; once she saw that she had full support, her own mind validated that she has no need to stress. And therefore, with a clear sense, she performed better in class. Getting angry would not have helped. Children need support. ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS.
I believe most of us evaluate our kids as doing just fine. But are they really? Read all the above statements given by kids of all ages. They speak for themselves. There is unquestionably a wave of loneliness, and it's spreading quicker than we perceive. I urge you to allocate time to talk to your child. Allow them to express their emotions to you. Do not overreact. Every child possesses a right to feel how they feel and not be held in contempt for dissenting your feelings. You may be doing all that you possibly can, and it still may not be what your child explicitly needs. Ergo reach out to your district Psychologists or attain a personal one. However, the last thing you wish to do is live your day to day, worried about all your responsibilities, and neglect your child's feelings. As a parent, these times are genuinely challenging for ourselves and our children. Except we are already grown up and lived most of our lives and aspirations with no pandemic. These kids are the future of tomorrow. Help them grow into a better prepared tomorrow. A new evolutionary, more robust, and wiser generation. They will forever cherish that there their parents did all they could and more to preserve the beauty of the world for what it consists of today, the most valuable piece of the world, 'IT's PEOPLE.'
COVID existing for 9+ months now....and winter is looming. Mental health concerns associated with lockdown and the pandemic are incredibly troublesome for depression and different mental health complications. The relapse and overdose rate progressed by 30% since March 2020.
NAMI
The National Alliance on Mental Illness
24/hr Helpline
800-950-6264
Safe & Soundly Yours,