What is LOVE?
What is LOVE? Where does it come from, and how did it come about into infinite variations? Why does love measure differently amongst people in our circle? Where did the lack of love come from? Have you ever caught yourself asking all these questions and then some?
Love is a created feeling. Naturally, we feel for what we create, and we internalize that feeling into measured love. For example, we build new relationships throughout our lives. May it be friendship, marital, parental, or even colleagues. Our mind then initiates these moments and begins analyzing them as levels of released endorphins. We feel excited, spurts of happiness; we look forward to tomorrow's and create even more memories with all loved ones.
These are all signs of good times, positivity, one might even say inspiration. Why is it that, sometimes, that initial creation of love begins to see bumpy roads, or it also seems like it fading away? Why does it feel heavy and hurt so badly? Simultaneously, if we create the opposing feeling of hatred, anger, jealousy, sadness, loneliness, or depression, it signifies decreasing levels of our love capacity. Let us break it down further and take a more in-depth look into the birth of love. If we pair 'love' with feeling 'connected' with someone or may it even be something, we attach memories and warmth to it. Let's say you are feeling sad. Our natural tendency is to want to speak to someone about what makes us feel sad. Or you may want to write it in a journal. Maybe you might want to go for a run and exercise it off. In any one of these actions, you are choosing to release the distress by positive outsources and diplomatic efforts. What does this actually signify? How about we dig even deeper? Why were you sad in the first place? What makes us sad? Is being sad a sign of insecurity? Do we unknowingly and subconsciously feel bad for ourselves? Who is telling us that at this very moment, we are vulnerable? And why do we feel better after a chat, a journal entry, or physical activity? Insecurity comes in many forms. For many of us, we know there are insecurities, but we tend to hide them. Some are not even cognizant of their vulnerabilities, although in some cases, it may be referred to as denial. Then how is it possible that we notice the insecurities in others so quickly. Giving someone a hug in time of need, giving someone validation for their good deeds, and letting someone cry over your shoulder are all ways to eradicate insecurities. Temporary as they may be, they are still momentous for that person in need.
Now how does love fit into all of this? Those who always share our pain and joys are the ones we seem to love. It is because our mind naturally attracts those that can help eliminate our insecurities. Once we feel less insecure or more confident, some of us no longer need someone or something, and they move on. And naturally, the relationship begins to fade or even fail. However, a genuinely secure person will never abandon a relationship as they can handle their own vulnerabilities and the person who may need help during tough times.
Let's look at it from a different angle. Let us use the siblings' scenario and highlight the situations. We are believed to carry unconditional love for siblings. Is that true? Or is that what we are taught? If our mind sinks in information daily, then only that is what it knows. Siblings argue relentlessly, but in the end, they still love each other and care. Besides the fact that the mind is taught, this is a never-ending relationship; it is also because siblings are there during tough times, sad times, and good times. Honestly, it's all about balance. A balanced relationship cannot tear apart. All the bad memories are negated with the positive ones. On the flip side, if you have had siblings that were not there for you during your tough times or your joyous times, you may not see a reason to continue this relationship as there is no balance. Once again, it is our insecurity; we feel we are not loved by a particular person as we analyze our life events and calculate who has or has not been there for us. And in this unfortunate case, siblings may not believe in unconditional love. They feel they have been hurt time and again, and thus they have developed insecurities that tend to hold grudges. If all parties were to resurface their confidence in themselves and rid their insecurities, naturally, the LOVE would reappear. The same notion goes for a child and its parents, and even between spouses or any friendship. Once we feel the relationship is not balanced, we feel insecure and begin to believe we are not loved enough. Or, if they are not filling our insecurity, we do not wish to prioritize their presence in our lives.
So how do you fix this? You must work on yourselves. You must dig deep inside and ascertain the cause of your insecurities. Why does something hurt? What is the real pain? And then you must correct your own anxiety. You must allow yourselves to be truthful and become cognizant that the imbalance of love proceeds from your own insecurities. If you genuinely take care of your needs, you will see how you begin to love yourself. And once you truly fall in love and accept yourself and what surrounds you. You will see that your capacity for loving others will increase, irrelevant of their insecurities. When you genuinely love yourself, it shows, and people may feel challenged, intimidated, or inferior. Once you recognize that their uncertainty is not stemming from you, you'll love them regardless of their vulnerabilities. Because you now know deep down that love helps people feel secure.
Disclaimer*- Loving yourself truly means you shall not allow someone to feed into your insecurities. If you are being bullied, verbally, or physically abused in a relationship, it is NOT okay. Love conquers all. Have that person seek help or empower yourself to voice your opinion. Love can be tricky; it feels good one day and not the next. If your overall relationship is distressed, take care of your own needs, avoid falling into the abyss of insecurity. Love yourself enough to not let others' insecurities bring you down.
Love All That You Are!
Aneela K.
Recommended Read: Love Sense by Sue Thompson
(although it's a book for couples, the theories behind her points work for any relationship)