STOP Bullying
Kill them with Kindness
“Ewww look at all that Dandruff, your dirty and disgusting. Go back to where you came from brown girl””
Alas, these bullying retentions tormented me for nearly twenty years! Don’t scuff, smirk, roll your eyes, and especially do not deprecate how detriment persistent bullying day in and day out can injure a child. Pierced to lose my mother at age ten, and merely two years later, I was in a different environment trying to start a new life. Sorrowfully, that life left me double scarred. So what happened and why? How can you make sure it won’t happen to you or your child? Or most crucial, how can you raise your child not to be the bully, aka TYRANT
MY UNTOLD TRUTH
I was bullied horrendously in high school; ergo, I don't retain much of it except for a few exceptional teachers, my excellencies in National Honor Societies, Scholarships, and maybe a handful of real friends. Before I move forward with this disturbing story of my life, I would like to dedicate it to all those that supported me throughout this time, Lisa Dorsky (now known as Lisa Clark), Jennifer Ruane, Jamie Palladino, and Mr. Alessi, my science teacher.
It all began in seventh grade; all the kids whom I accommodated with their homework, quizzes, and exams executed a mockery out of me for an entire year, and then some. The sad part is they had fun doing so. I was in the girls bathroom right across the school cafeteria and I heard Christina tell another girl in pig latin we are using Aneela for our homework. My heart plunged to the ground and my trust for them flushed down the drain. I cried so terribly hard as quietly as possible so no-one would hear me crying. Then I gathered strength to speak up. They utilized my intelligence, and when I understood the friendship was not genuine and decided to stand up for myself by saying, "I am not doing your homework or giving you answers anymore," they all ganged up on me; it was at least twenty kids so unquestionably a large sum to deal with alone. If you believe I am petite now, I was even more miniature back then. One day after my last class, math with Ms. Scanlon, I walked out of the room, and there was a collection of kids who attacked me immediately coming from every angle of the doorway, throwing bits of rubbed eraser pieces they generated throughout the class, only to launch it in my hair and shout, "Ewww look at all that Dandruff, your dirty and disgusting. Go back to where you came from brown girl!"
I was appalled, in sheer embarrassment, and so very hurt and shocked at what just happened. The forty-minute walk home was loaded with non-stop tears just dripping down and me pondering what I had done to deserve this. I was frightened to go back to school the next day, and while sitting in Ms. Scanlon's class, I observed from my peripheral vision, the kids were once again rubbing, collecting, and sharing the eraser scraps. I kept praying in my heart, "God, let it not be for me today, please, please, please." Alas, it was for me. And the day after that, and after that and after that for an entire fucken year. After a couple of weeks, I told my friend Lisa, and she left her class early (which is hard to do in without an excused note); and she waited for me and covered me while they all kept screaming at me. She cursed them back, saying, 'Leave her alone, you fucken morons!" But they just laughed it off. At that point, my only true friend became Lisa.
I eventually developed the courage to speak to Ms. Scanlon, informing her what the kids do to me, and I am so fearful every day in her class to walk out and barely concentrate in math. Disregarding, she replied, "Sorry there is nothing I can do." (Until this day, I would like to find her and ask her how she could allow any child to be bullied?)
I write this post tempted to tear; however, I am stronger than that now. It was a wretched living year. I was the sweetest little helpful girl, and I held no clue why this happened to me. I never desired anything but to please people.
The following year I came back to school as an impassioned and bitter child. I began wearing my uncle's leather jacket, wore dark lipstick, and ceased being so admirable to people. Then these same people would come to me and ask, "what happened to you? You used to be so nice." I considered saying, "all you fucken people tormented for two years, wtf do you expect?" Still, sweet little me just said, "I don't know."
One random day during social studies class, a new girl name Jennifer walked into our school. She was tall and beautiful; she looked just perfect. I gazed at her and said, "wow, you're so pretty." To my shocking surprise, she wasn't like any of the others. When she saw the kids abuse me in social studies, she stood right up and pointed her finger to the entire class, and yelled, "you losers better stop making fun of this sweet girl. She didn't do anything. Next time you say something to her, you have to answer to me." I was so impressed that she was such a strong and empowered girl raised with kindness and empathy. To her, I am grateful for that moment. She may not even know how much she assisted me.
Jennifer Ruane
The kids would steal books from my locker and drop my books out of my hands. One day another new girl arrived and shared the locker right next to mine. Jamie Pellidino was her name. She was a tough cookie who didn't take shit from anyone. By the stroke of luck, she happens to admire me. And she told me if anyone ever hurt me again to let her know. And so I did. She would go right up to their face and give it to them. Jamie was an idol for me. I don't know where she is now. However, I think of her and thank her for her support during the most brutal years.
And last but not least, my FAVORITE teacher Mr. Alessi. Oh, how I desired to share my dreaded pain with him. Yet, I was too ashamed to let the teacher know your student constantly was bullied. Secondly, I fancied his class so much that it was an escape from the madness outside his classroom. He was my only daily shining light throughout those two years. I always received a 100 on every homework, quiz, test, and project because he was such a fun teacher and kind to all. It felt as if I owned no problems when I was in his class. Ergo his class was the highlight of my day. I may even say I developed a slight crush on him as he was, in a way, my night and shining armor from my constant bullied days.
“I enjoyed having Aneela in my science class starting way back in 1990 as a 7th grader. Such a quiet, shy young lady often dressed in traditional Pakistanian fashion. She was such a refreshing sight. She was always polite and well-mannered; I was pleased to see her in my classes again in her 8th and 10th-grade years. Little did I know until almost 20 years later how much she suffered from an awful bullying experience those first two years.
I was shocked to hear how her move to Long island was greeted with peer chastising, and her classmates’ horrific treatment just after her mother had passed. I was so embarrassed to admit I had no idea this was going on. Was I so blind as to not be aware of the pain and suffering my innocent student was experiencing in silence? Upon her revealing this news to me, I couldn’t apologize enough for my apparent ignorance of the bullying she was left to endure. My only consolation was hearing her tell me it was ok. Of all her classes, mine was one of her “safe zones.” She went to say that I controlled my class well and didn’t tolerate bad behavior. She looked forward to coming to my classroom because for those 42 minutes; the pain would stop as this science teacher command his lesson. Still, left with the sadness and guilt of knowing this young woman’s sad past but proud of her accomplishments as a woman who now stands tall as a role model for her family, friends, and hundreds of women worldwide.”
“Honestly, I’ve forgotten (blocked out) most of the high school! It wasn’t a great experience. I struggled with bullying, too, which is why my parents moved from Malverne to Roslyn in my junior year. They figured a fresh start would help me socially and academically.”
A MUST WATCH ON HOW TO STOP BULLYING - DO NOT SCROLL PAST- CHOOSE TO RAISE AWARENESS
EVEN SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS WON’t permit any type of bullying. It’s a serious offense.
“During the pandemic of 2020, my child was homeschool by myself, and we had no visitors over for nine months. One day we decided to have one friend around. The friend started talking down on my child, calling him names. It was a surprise to me as my child always put that friend first and on a pedestal. So the year 2021 started in school, but with stringent regulations. This same child started a group of children to go up against my child. For nights my child cried and could not understand what was happening. The school noticed this, and even parents called to tell me that our child is getting bullied. Yes, we knew and told our child not to go up against anyone but instead talk to the teachers. They taught him to be less forgiving and more assertive to stand up and say NO in school. He cut out the friend and all of the children that went against him. I told him never to be rude to that child. It is his parent’s privilege to educate him about kindness, love, and empathy.”
We must wake up as empowered souls and be extra cognizant of all the neglect that is occurring. These actions are undeviatingly stemming from parental neglect, parental influence, and a lack of guidance. If you don't nourish yourself as a parent from your past, you will be blind-sighted when you unintentionally teach your child dangerous habits. You will become defensive for a child that certainly is bullying because you will not blame yourself and be amidst denial at your failure. So rather than take accountably, you will see to blame elsewhere. No, the solution is to seek therapy and self-help for yourself, speak to your child if he/she is being bullied or a bully. Reach out to the child's parents for an understanding of any misconstrued actions. Any healthy parent would aspire to calm the situation rather than exasperate. And if their parent is unhelpful, then alas, we know where the predicament is arising. Schools now executed programs in place, hired school psychiatrists as support, or you can talk to someone you trust if it is out of the school environment. Do not disregard the issue on hand; if you do, you are a bit of an accomplice to the detriment of a child or an adult or yourself. Making or accepting quick insensitive jokes is for the weak. They are miserable and feel better by putting you down. Do not let them triumph. They demand to fill their insecurity. They are similar to sick predators or piranhas that eat at your health. You can be above this and continue to be the shining light you wish to be; say something, be kinder, be wiser. Please do not fall for their ambush.
Bullied during my second pregnancy
This one could seriously be a blog on its own, and I never received an apology, nor do I perceive these people hold enough empathy and kindness to deliver one. In 2008 I was expecting my second child. Pregnancy was already hard af for me, with morning sickness lasting till labor. But by God, believe it or not, a certain woman made it her battle to steal my thunder, my joy of expecting a child. And like a dumb-fuck, I put up with it. In hindsight, I should have contacted authorities and requested a restraining order from all the unnecessary harassment. They constantly tormented me not to name my child Aliyah.
How ridiculous, you say? Yes, I said the same thing, and so did my friends and my family. I was advised I must retreat the name Aliyah because she required it for her future baby. An IMPORTANT piece of information here- SHE WAS NOT EVEN PREGNANT AT THE TIME- she referred to a future child. While I tried to explain, I can name my child as I wish, and it's my life, my body, my child, the name is not a patent; you may also name your child whatever you desire, the same or another. Still no. I was informed my position was to sacrifice. I sobbed all nine months and longer. They excluded me from events, mistreated me continuously with their ego, and bullied me discreetly. I did offer once; I will change the name if you allow me to tell the world why I must give it up. Then they said you could not do that either. This demand must be kept a secret from the world. WTF. I cannot name my child, you torment me, and I cannot tell anyone. WTF. THIS IS BULLYING TO ITS PINPOINT. This suffering hurt me to the core. A wonderful dear friend Samiyah (my lucky charm) helped me through my entire pregnancy. She threw me a beautiful surprise baby shower and ordered me to do nothing but look pretty. Once a fell down the stairs from the major stress, and she cooked me a weeks worth of food and sent me a bouquet of flowers and a loving card. She literally was there all nine months. And of course she was the first person to visit beautiful baby Aliyah. She was my hero. God bless her. Thank you Samiyah. I love you.
I did not enjoy my second pregnancy at all. A good friend of mine Jina G. presented me the best advice, "When social security comes to ask you the name of your child, you write what you want. do not fear the outcome. Live for yourself Aneela. Anyone who truly loves you would never commit such contemptuous act while a woman is expecting. It affects the nourishment of the child." So I did as she advised. Thank you Jina. And news flash Aliyah is now almost 12, and this woman still hasn't given birth to a girl. Seriously can we all shout out together 'BULLY' lol? Anyone who can torture like this will indeed never apologize. However, I am not afraid to write my harsh truth. If I can help any other soul suffering from such ludicrous circumstances, I would gladly interject to empower them. I am content with my decision, and I am so glad I stood up for myself; even if it was difficult, I didn't go against my morals. I don't wish any negative thoughts for them because I realize they were not in a healthy state of mind at the time. I am glad to see God was by my side. Never received empathy but I had some wonderful heroes by my side. So blessed. One person can make a difference. That one sign of hope and empowerment.
Bullied in UK
In 2018, I took my entire family to London to visit a lovely family. We invested so much love, time, money and effort. We asked for nothing in return. We literally were enjoying a wonderful vacation. When all of a sudden I received the most disturbing call threatening me, my intentions and my family. It was filled with foul language, shouting, and complete rage. It was completely unexpected, random and uncalled for. When people are hurt, the seek to hurt others. And it is usually the ones they believe are weak. Immediately after the call I tripped and fainted to the floor. Upon regaining strength I stayed in shock for a couple of months and ended up hurting my mental health. When I realized this was unhealthy I took my mind and attained clarity and finally moved on with my life. You see after seeking therapy for all my previous bullied experiences, I was able to identify I am not the root cause and I did nothing wrong. Ergo there is no reason for me to suffer. That is why seeking therapy is essential. You are then able to heal yourself in time of need and avoid more detrimental damage,
long awaited apologetics's
“First of all I can’t imagine now why I would have done such a horrible thing. If I had to guess it was probably to fit in with the cool kids and not feel like a loser. I am so sorry for doing this and I teach my kids to never bully kids and to be kind souls helping other kids. I am so sorry Aneela.”
It wasn't from all twenty or so classmates, yet even the one helped ease the tormented memory. It takes a mature soul to apologize.
“I am so sorry for my rubbish and ill-will behavior. You were nothing but kind and loving to me and my family and I just want to sincerely apologize from the bottom of my heart and ask for forgiveness and to be at peace for the mental exhaustion I caused you. What I did was horrible and there is no justifiable excuse. I am very sorry Aneela. You have stayed kind to my family regardless and are big-hearted. Stay true to who you are. You’ve been through so much and rather than being there for you I sought to hurt you. I take back all the mean words and wish you the worlds happiness and blessings. I love you very much I am truly sorry.”
Although I had moved on from the UK incident, I have to be honest; it still felt pretty damn good for the person to take accountability and acknowledge the actual circumstances.
take-a-way
Bullying should not be taken lightly by any means. It is incredibly harmful and dangerous to the victim. Besides the ramifications of low-self-esteem and lack of confidence, it is detrimental to their mental health balance and can induce severe harm to the rest of their life path and those within their vicinity. If not dealt with immediately or by therapy, the injury can be lifelong, or one might even consider taking their life, question, or possess unsafe thoughts of their existence. I sought treatment twenty years after to outgrow the raw damages accumulated as a domino effect. I failed to trust in people who genuinely cared for me. I perceived I was perpetually manipulated, handled, and approved for specific reasons. I gave, gave and gave till I held nothing left to offer, and I then gave more of me that split me incomplete and unhappy. Bullying is a severe action and should be dealt with seriously. Be a proactive parent. Make sure your child is not being bullied, a bully, or even more importantly, you are not bullied or playing the role of a bully. Your insensitive jokes can be hurtful; grow up and take accountability for your actions, damn it!
One notable key element is that souls who were bullied and prevailed now carry passionate professions assisting others with strength, mental health and empowerment.
I am here for you. Whoever you are. Wherever you are.
Spreading Empathy like Confetti,
ANEELA K.
Today a Confident empowered badass
hotlines
These are phone numbers you can call that can help you with your situation. Please read and call below if you or someone you know needs help. They are available and are ready to help right away.
USA:
24-Hour National Crisis Hotline: 1-800-448-3000
Alcohol and Drug Helpline: 1-800-821-4357
National Crisis Line - Anorexia and Bulimia: 1-800-233-4357
National Depression Association: 1-800-826-3632
Runaway RAP Line: 1-800-292-4517
Abuse / Violence Child Protective Services: 1-810-412-6109
LGBT youth: 1-866-488-7386
Self Harm: 1-800-DONT-CUT
Suicide?: 1-800-273-8255
Sexual Assualt or Rape: (800) 656-4673
Domestic Violence: 1-800-799-SAFE
United Kingdom:
Worried someone is having thoughts of Suicide- 0870 1704000
Rape Crisis Centre- 0171 8371600
Self Harm- 0800 622 6000
Wales, Drug & Alcohol Abuse- 0808 808 2234
Information & Help with Eating Disorders:
(If any of these numbers or contact information is outdated please let us know so we can fix it)
More Hotlines:
http://www.pamf.org/teen/hotlines/
Online chat: [Australia Time Zone]
https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat
Online Chat:
http://www.thehopeline.com/Chat?tabId=1
Can't find a hotline listed that best suits your needs? Here's a list of all the hotlines:
http://www.crisischat.org/find-resources/
Do not be scared to call these numbers or search online for help. Real people are on the phone and will get you through your problems. Don't wait a second.
Or contact us, Noplace4hate
NP4Hofficial@outlook.com
~~~
'stay forever, stay true, stay you'.