Open the 'VENTS'
Shut the ‘RANTS’
When it gets hot indoors, you open the vents. When it gets stuffy, you open the vents. When you need to circulate and clean the air, you open the vents. So why not treat your mind and body the same way. If things feel heated, suffocated, or you need to clear the mind, VENT. Bottling your conflicts will only do more harm than relief.
Do you have a vent buddy? Someone who can understand you without commentary. This should be someone you can trust, feel open with, and even more, someone not correlated to the circumstance you are venting about. That's is why It's good to have more than one vent buddy.
If you are struggling with concerns over a family member, it is not a stable idea to involve another family member. This undeniably causes more interference and biased interpretation. It's also not favorable to either party to be spoken about, tittle-tattle, or share confidential information. Ergo if its family-related, talk to a friend or a colleague. Vice versa, if its work-related, talk to a friend or a family member. Keeping in mind that venting is okay and actually healthy for you.
If you take it one step further and feel extreme anger; it is no longer beneficial for anyone. If you are in the heat of the moment and venting appears to make matters more unfavorable, then STOP everything and walk away and breathe slowly. Rants will never resolve concerns in any way, shape, or form.
Tell yourself that you control both your awareness, emotions, reactions, and mind. Then focus on your feet, sensing the ground, or your back upon the seat. Focus on each part of your body that is resting or standing with support. This will alleviate the mental distractions and pacify you. Breathe in through your nose and out from your mouth. Recollect yourself.
Remember, your vent buddy is there to listen and help offload your frustration. Nevertheless, be careful to not handle your vent buddy as a punching bag. Do not begin ranting. Recognize, it's not their accountability. They may not be knowledgeable of your thoughts, or they may be missing tiny bits of information that only you and your pain body are cognizant of.
As long as you are within your limits and respect their boundaries, feel free to vent to get it off your chest.
A good vent buddy is essentially a good listener and hearkens the whole story without interrupting. They ask questions to clarify to grasp the situation correctly, and then they advise you based on your best interest. As they know you well enough to recognize what makes you happy. Sometimes, when we feel the wrath, we cannot even distinguish what makes us irritated or happy. At the moment, everything appears to blur, and you are unable to solidify distinctions between emotions. So it's suitable to choose a wise vent buddy that knows you genuinely. In that confusing moment, they can deliver clarity.
Why is it good to have more than one vent buddy? For starters, its a hard-working life for anyone and everyone. Your timing won't always harmonize the free time your buddy has. Or you do not want to exhaust out one person, calling about the same situation frequently. If they already discussed it at length and you keep bringing it up, then its no longer their obligation to advise you. Now you necessitate helping you understand why you are stuck in the same emotions or seek professional help to move on from the situation.
Many people confuse venting with complaining. It's not really the same. Venting is seizing the grave situation off your mind so you can recollect your thoughts. Complaining is more rehashing the same point of view without growing and attempting to understand the overall situation. Complaining is the restricted version; inside the box. Venting allows you to reason outside the box, not feeling suffocated.
This week I ran a 100-persons (Male & Female) survey on Venting vs. Ranting vs. Listening. Here are the following results:
Based on the survey, we can evidently perceive most women vent as a natural remedy for distress. My hypothesis through the study would be that of the percentages that do not 'vent' are the ones that end up 'ranting' more. There exist copious people who find it challenging to share their feelings. But as you can see, the outcome is unhealthy for themselves and their environment.
The numbers for ranting were more challenging to assess. Many people were not comfortable sharing their truth about ranting. I found the more confident, more willing to respond honestly and be open about ranting. Most of the ranting "YES" responses were based on a severe circumstance. A few were from people who had short temper overall.
Listening was the most interesting response. Many who surveyed believed they do listen. Others said they tend to overtake the conversation and begin talking about themselves or that they tune out. Females were more adapted to listening to all-encompassing people. Whereas men were listening more to women that were not their wives. But more in general, listening to others.
I was most eager to see the percentage response for 'listening' because most people believe they are great at listening. But let's break it down even further, when we assume listening, what are we listening to? Are we listening to others' desires, or are we listening to others venting and supporting them?
I imagine a very COMMON structure to be that many 'LISTENERS' are the actual 'Vent Buddy,' and sorrowfully, the 'venter' can fall into a cyclic behavior of just continuously venting to this friend. If you pause for a moment and grasp the concept that your 'vent buddy' may also need to vent!!! Have you been a regular listener as well? Or has it become a one-way relationship? Where one friend depends more on the other for venting? I'm not suggesting you calculate an equal 50/50 vent/listen to relationship. However, if you fall into an 80/20 category, I advise you to reevaluate your relationship and pick up your phone to call your 'vent buddy' and ask them how things are going in 'THEIR' life.
Ergo these three actions can become all tangled up if not addressed. Vent but don't rant. Vent plus listen more. I guarantee if you listen more, the shouting too will gradually eradicate on its own.
Vent-fully Yours,