No, It's not YOUR Fault
Yes, It’s OKAY to Talk About it
If you are reading this, you are beautiful and worth it. The mind, body, and soul is your most magnificent asset and treasure. Often people undermine and quantify these as three connections. Certainly NOT. The mind, body, and soul are all one entity and encompasses and work as a whole. If one threatened, the damage is to all of it. Whether you notice it or not before more harm occurred, now that's another story.
I'm confident we all heard the saying, 'Don't judge a book by its cover.' And often, we still do this. We continuously judge others. Even when we believe we are not, many of our inner voices yet undeniably assume. Almost as if it were a natural human reflex.
This wrongfully practiced act hurts ourselves more than we care to admit. And it steals more than our fair share of internal happiness. Let's learn to be gentle to ourselves. What am I leading to? Judging others, or even worse, judging ourselves, not being mindful of our inner book under our falsified cover.
Lying to yourself is excessively threatening to your health. Our mind is the most powerful machine. It can erase, block, or conceive a memory. Then we grow practicing a particular behavior either out of fear, protection, survival mode, low self-esteem, or worst-case scenario. We should strive and become more cognizant of our voices, and every day, ask ourselves, are we feeling okay? I'm serious. You spend all day asking others how they are doing. Ask YOURSELF too! I examine how I am feeling a few times daily. You won't identify unless you pause, breathe, and get in touch with your own feelings.
Let's get right to the point. Have you ever been sexually harassed, assaulted, or felt as if you were being undressed or violated? What was your immediate reaction? Did you panic? Cry? Scream? Become anxious? Be Oblivion? Go into trauma mode? More importantly, did you assume it was YOUR FAULT? That you did something to induce this non-permissible and heinous act of disrespect?
If you were a victim of sexual harassment/assault and didn't do anything to rectify your feelings, thoughts, fears, then like many, you became both helpless and ended up hurting yourself and many others along the way.
No one talks about this. WHY? Why should you feel ashamed? It wasn't your fault. No, stand your ground. Talk about it. Go ahead and display this ignominy! And most of all, please seek therapy. If it happened to you, no matter how old you were, explore treatment NOW. It's never too late to transform your beliefs. If it occurred to you during your young years, your child or a loved one, seek therapy for them and yourself! This is a serious matter. Throwing it under the rug only to creep up with damage will be a more problematic pit to climb out of.
Sorrowfully it's the backward generational thought of saving community or family honor, but what about your consideration? Whether the pursuer was your father, uncle, trusted friend, colleague, boss, parents, best friend, or teacher, openly admit that this is NOT OKAY! Immediately contact a loved one you feel is trustworthy and let them know. Let them take the proper steps to ensure you feel protected and that the attacker is far from you. I cannot stress enough; neglecting the issue or letting it slide will severely impair future relationships.
I was in a few uncomfortable situations. At the time I was young and afraid. But even then, I knew right from wrong. I engulfed my fear and reported the culprits to a few loved ones who immediately put an end to it. I am fortunate I stood up and spoke up. Even though it did unrepairable damage, I am proud I was courageous enough to choose myself over fear or guilt manipulation.
Additionally, I resigned from my a passionate career due to ramifications of filing a complaint to Human Resources about sexual harassment. If I had to, I would do it all over again. No one should take okay any kind of harassment. Know your rights and always stand up for yourself.
It's one thing to believe that you are strong; it's an entirely different story to pretend you are stronger than you actually are. Requesting help doesn't make you look weak. Asking for aid confirms you are of a healthy mindset and conscious of your needs. That is when you are undeniably strong.
Do not succumb to blocking happiness and life because of these horrid memories you tried to misremember. Instead, they impair the mind, body, and soul for YEARS. If you sought therapy, then, It would have done well for you. As naive as it sounds, many don't even know the treatment for such concerns exist. They always fear exposing someone or letting out the truth. But loved ones always give the right push you need. Find someone you do trust, and please, I urge you to open up. I know you feel it will label a faulty reputation for yourself. Or that your personality asked for it. NO WAY. Stand tall so you won't fall.
Neither had I asked for it, nor did I welcome it. It troubled me in ways I never imagined. Unless you went through a comparable experience, you would hold no notion of how this can affect a life. I know and conversed with several victims who are still experiencing trust issues within their relationships, even with their significant other. An affectionate touch to them makes them feel confused, uncomfortable, and at times even unsafe. This is a severe matter and needs to be taken seriously. If you know someone who encountered such a tragedy, I encourage you to bestow kindness, deeper understanding, eradicate judgment, increase your patience, offer compassion, and remind them that they are loved. I know it's not easy, but keep in mind, neither was their troubling occurrence.
Because of my history, I unknowingly lost trust in few people. The most critical of it was that I didn't even connect the dots till much later in my life. Trust between any relationship is essential. Without trust, no relationship is amicable. It's like a bridge without any suspension. It is bound to crash sooner or later.
I don't feel safe when my kids are around their uncles (not their fault, but one of the ramifications). I prisoned any laughter correlated with sex jokes. They felt contemptible when people in my vicinity, and I desired none other than to hide and run away. A substantial frame of my life was impaired paranoia and induced suffering. I sought therapy about my yesterday's because I am an influential and wise woman and know my inadequacies. I will continue to be a strong and vulnerable woman. I aspire to empower all those who experienced related pain. If you are a girl or woman holding this in and it happened to you, then do not second guess yourself, and please speak to someone straightaway. Do not let this take over your life anymore then it did mine.
Although I am glad I had this epiphany, I was numb as I processed this untrusting, Fight-or-Flight Response.
I sincerely apologize to all I hurt along the way. The most necessary apology is going to go to me. I intend to start a new life, a fresh me. Knowing this will take time and probably heaps of more rocky roads before clearing the unwelcome guilt and old paranoia habits.
If this happened to you or someone you know, please call instantly and first, and for most, ask, 'Are you okay?' And 'Can I be of any help? Please seek help immediately.'
National Sexual Assault Hotline
Call 1-800-656-4673
Vulnerably Yours,
