Convert Covert Resentment
180 Degrees Resistance
“As early as the 4th century B.C., Aristotle attempted to identify the exact number of core emotions in humans. Described as Aristotle’s List of Emotion, the philosopher proposed 14 distinct emotional expressions: fear, confidence, anger, friendship, calm, enmity, shame, shamelessness, pity, kindness, envy, indignation, emulation, and contempt.
In his 1872 publication The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals, Charles Darwin theorized that emotions were innate, evolved, and had a functional purpose. While Darwin did not explicitly define these “basic emotions,” it is thought he envisioned a shorter list of essential emotions, including fear, anger, sadness, happiness, and love.
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So, from where does RESENTMENT come? And is resentment a proven emotion? Believe it or not, it's NOT! Neither are all the ones in the initial quote by Aristotle and Charles Darwin. With finite research and a number of psychologists, there exist only FOUR EMOTIONS: Joy, Sadness, Fear, and Disgust.
So what contributed to the origin of 'resentment'? Let me assist you with that. Please consider emotions as ingredients you place in a blender, mix them up, and produce a distinguished smoothie. Equivalently, joy, sadness, fear, and disgust all bottled up and shook, well, there is your RESENTMENT!
You see, resentment displays infinite variety and form; however, it comes from only four emotions.
Someone objected your joy, maybe repeatedly.
Someone affected something/or lack of doing that caused you to feel sad.
You are fearful of not getting what you desire or extracted out of your comfort zone.
You feel contempt/disgust for someone who you believe caused intrusion with your joy, propagated sadness, or barraged you to live in fear.
Categorical statistics of feeling & emotion words used by male and female students in their argumentative essaysRESENTMENT/RESISTANCE
ILLUSTRATION BY MY DAUGHTER ALIYAH AHMAD (Age-11)
RESENTMENT
Prominent forms of resentment are passive-aggressive remarks, poking, undesirable repugnant or cynical commentary, belittling, name-calling, or even more damaging when it matures to physical abuse or torture by control.
Yet the most dangerous kind of resentment is the 'Silent but Deadly.' So rapid it will clutch emotion and quickly grasp your thought before you know what transpired. Ergo it's essential to be mindful.
You know well, I am referring to where you are thinking random thoughts during a shower, while driving, when attempting to go to sleep except your mind pilots thoughts, or when you sense you are arranging kindness above and beyond and not convinced if the receiving party will fancy it or leave you disappointed. This craze of resentful thoughts will only attract more resentment. And after you've ingested all that cold whirlpool of speculation, you wonder why you are stressed, and silent resentment storms as lethal verbiage or actions.
The sighs, rolling your eyes, grunting, grinding teeth, the stiff hugs, the inadequacy of kissing or affection; as insignificant as they may seem, all these cues are comprehensively responsible for the relationship's negativity.
When people obstruct our joy, we instantly feel sad. Out of shame, as if sorrow was an ignominious emotion, we fear honest expression to our partners, family, in-laws, friends, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, or any social media platform. This stigma is what slaughters our natural state of happiness.
As worldly society trained us to mask sadness, we automatically steer our emotions from despair to fear to disgust. This transition befalls in a matter of nanoseconds.
Being happy doesn't mean you can never be sad. Being happy means you do not HIDE that you are down. I am fortunate because I acknowledge it to myself and others, and even on social media when I am down. I am above the social stigma to only post positives. And that is my code to staying felicitous. I do not endorse my sadness to transmute into shame and then into contempt and end up in shambles of resentment.
Resentment develops like constructing a building; the more you strengthen, the louder and stronger your grievance becomes. This grudge that won't budge is resentment.
RESISTANCE
While no resentment produces a positive impact, it would be futile to convince you not to hold any resentment. As humans with emotions, it is only natural to react. However, you can be more mindful of your resentment than others; this will encourage you to recognize significant and pitiful behaviors that you were oblivious to although were evident to others. Write them down and then, one by one, practice disciplining them. Notice what makes you erk, what rattles your thoughts from being in the present moment, or to be considerably blunt, what makes you feel SAD, FEARFUL & DISGUST?
Once you become a pro at acknowledging yourself or growing, you can begin rectifying the relationship by embedding positive 180 degrees resistance.
What is Positive 180 Degrees Resistance?
Positive Resistance is controlling the aftermath of the resentment. To do a complete 180 flip and RESIST the sudden urges. It will prevent actions before they do unrepairable damage. When you hold that urge to speak back, RESIST! When you possess that desire to turn over in bed, RESIST! When you own that urge to slam the door, the cabinet, drawer, throw an object in your hand, RESIST! And the toughest of them all is the body language. To regulate body language is quite a refined skill that can only come with time and persistent practice. Don't rush the learning process because you discover and augment your wisdom for yourself and your happiness in the end. While exercising this advice may benefit many people around you or your partner, it will help you the MOST.
Resistance is the key to patience and perseverance. Hard work always pays off, and keeping your mouth shut during pressing times might present you are losing a battle, yet you win overall happiness in actuality. See, the bickering should not be about winning or losing at all. All these video games, sports games, and competitions brainwash us to believe we must always win. But what is winning, my friends? Winning is when you feel inner peace. Do you feel inner peace after winning an argument and leaving the other person feeling wounded?
Let's look at it from a different perspective; if you're playing a video game and hold just a little power of life left, or one life left, would you risk till the end of the level, or would you crave to pause for a moment and reflect on options to gain more strength?
Evade a focus on winning or losing. You can stop where you are and walk away calmly to gather your thoughts. You can exit. NOTE* I am not promoting to quit; just exit to pause and find yourself again.
My tips and strategies,
If I notice myself pondering in the shower, I will instantly talk to myself and recite out loud what I am currently doing. For example, I will say in my thoughts or out loud, 'I am putting shampoo in my hair.'
While driving, I will turn on a song a very much enjoy and focus on it.
While attempting to sleep, I will begin praying and recalling all the positive attributes from the day.
When I am amidst a surprise, I remind myself I am doing this because 'I' want to! That way, there is no one else to blame, even indirectly.
During an argument, watch your words, they sting. Stay silent and walk away. Take a break. You will also cool down.
Authentic joy is in the absence of sadness, disgust, and fear. Therefore if you insist and require to win, win over yourself by accepting and understanding resentment for what it truly is, a jumbled up cluster fuck only devised to induce the epitome of mindful regression. If you can notice a sinister shadow accompanying wherever you go, would it weigh you down? Would it block any welcoming light? Resentment injures both you and the other parties combined. Resentment eradicates any joy that would be there otherwise. When you disengage resentment or shift it to a permanently terminated reservation in your mind, you will own the free space to welcome the only actual emotion we all love, JOY!
Resist-fully Yours,
