The Love Polygon
Who’s in Your Corner?
“The most fatal disease of friendship is gradual decay or dislike hourly increased by causes too slender for complaint, and too numerous for removal.”
From strong relationships comes great grief. Have you ever met a friend whom you loved significantly, considered for limitlessly, invested copious effort and time only to one day let them go?
Michelle meets Kristy and loves Kristy off the bat. She attempts her real best to embrace and care for her in the most reliable way she can. Kristy is similarly responsive, yet maybe not as much as Michelle. Michelle adores Kristy abundantly enough to see past their differences because she's either mature enough or oblivious to it. One day Kristy meets Sofia. Either through Michelle or just randomly. Kristy now admires Sofia enormously and is attentive in investing additional time with her. She is organically more attracted to Sofia for her reasons. May it be a commonality, feeds her needs, or Sofia ultimately inspires Kristy. Michelle, who loves Kristy and is an acquaintance with Sofia, strives to be closer to Sofia and fit in. Alas, something is off; there is little sign of a connection. Michelle now starts to feel dejected but doesn't share it with Kristy. Kristy frequently mentions Sofia to Michelle, and eventually, Michelle, because of her untold sadness, is becoming no longer responsive with Kristy; Kristy is now loyal friends with Sofia. Sofia's best friend is Lisa.
This fiction may seem too vague and straightforward, yet in actuality, it is prevalent. Many of us squandered souls desire those that crave others. If I were to list my best friends on this blog, I guarantee I am probably not their most intimate friend. However, I am okay with that. I am not oblivious to it, purely because I am mature enough to recognize being a close friend to someone responsive is good enough. I am not going to ravage a good relationship by pursuing. I played my share of chasing and it never played out well.
Nevertheless, I regularly send rather endearing messages to those whom I do admire, knowing they may not prioritize me as much however are sincere. I do this so that if one day I am no longer. At least I communicated my feelings to them—my actions, on the other hand, I now control. I chase no one except myself.
When should friendships end?
Many, if not all, of us endure these grievous times of letting go. The answer is quite simple as it is likewise perplexing. The initial quote by Samuel Jackson defines the minute discomforts leading to repulsive toxicity. This degradation is all but too typical; it's a gradual buildup of resentment or an awful feeling until it reaches the point of no capacity to encompass even the most negligible disconnect.
There is nothing wrong with moving on; it is healthy for each individual to continue evolving and following their path. We make stops in our journey to meet people and part throughout our mission. Does that indicate that the entirety of the relationship was prevarication and disrespectful? Not. It merely signifies you now understand yourself and whom you are becoming. When you taste a hindrance, it is crucial to recognize and deal with it willingly than to overlook it, unless you can move on entirely with absolute forgiveness and zero distaste of the relationship. Then forgive as best as you can, and diagnose the problem. Once you understand the primary concern, it is time to rebuild respect.
Though why do relationships break in the first place? You must ask yourself if mending a frail relationship is something you seek? At what cost? Secondly, you should prepare yourself that your ex-friend may not yearn to go backward and is more peaceful without you. If you genuinely care for this person, then you too should let them GROW (GO.)
Change is one of the most consequential culprits. As people grow, they change. Their different attractions may not be to your fondness or vice versa. It's no one's guilt. It's time to affirm or see past the change. You can't hang in there undecided. That would only provoke more infliction. The act that bites like a bullet is NEGLECT. Neglect is by far the number one element of destroyed relationships. Everyone needs to feel loved, special, important, and taken as a priority. Neglection is an easy way out. In more millennial terms, "ghosting.' Not a good sign of maturity and reflected as defiant behavior. Amongst several reasons are betrayal and irreconcilable differences.
When the balance is not healthy, the 'tit for tat' tactic is bound to fail a relationship. Please do not confuse it with give and take. It means you do not take your friend for granted, or you are not taken for granted. You are a person with feelings, not a medicinal purpose for enablers. If you hold insecurities, vulnerabilities, are needy or clingy, it will manifest through. Not everyone welcomes the stamina to support your pain body. Rather than condemning them, take accountability for where you went astray. Acceptance will educate you to better yourself and learn healthy friendship principles.
Until recently, I stood lost in the polygon of friendship. For me, it is super natural to obtain new friends. I hold a very impressionable personality, and I further appreciate differences. I admire the differences and apply them as inspiration. We can't possess or be it all. However, we can have many friends that together, it seems you experience it all. My friends range from super modest, conservative to remarkably sociable and eccentric. I sincerely find them all attractive. They only traits I am repugnant towards is gluttony, rivalry, competition. Those are my three boundaries.
When the differences are more apparent than the love to be in each other's company, one person perpetually feels the weight. This imbalance is not healthy.
“The greatest sweetener of human life is friendship. To raise this to the highest pitch of enjoyment is a secret which few discover.”
OPENNESS is the master key to a perfect friendship! .
Not everyone is so keen to open up with you. I learned this the hard way. Some of my most imminent friends today took over a year or more to open up. The wait was a massive challenge for me. When I initially met them, all I wanted to do was spoil, call, hang out, and share their joys and sorrows. Forgetting the world sees too much pain, and its people also fear tremendous pain. Now many of these souls are guarded. Ergo you may love them so innocently, and yet they undergo difficulty believing they can be loved for just who they are. Their preeminent thought is, what does she/he want from me? However, if they leap to open up and succumb to vulnerability, the gain would outweigh the pain.
When I was younger and desired to befriend someone, I would message them and invite them to hang out and perform all I can think to impress them. Was it wrong? Not necessarily. Only what was I missing? OPENNESS. If you don't explain your sentiments and desires or how you feel the other person makes you feel, you are now initiating an unhealthy friendship. It ended before it ever began.
How can you create your love pyramid ?
Long-Lasting friendships must institute healthy principles. Aristotle encouraged utility and pleasures within a friendship. As a good friend, we should be there for our friends during times of their need and joy. The course of a real friendship tests both emotions. The critical components to life long relationships is OPENNESS, OBLIGATION and JOY. People with strong and lasting friendships may be introverts, extroverts, young, old, dull, intelligent, homely, good-looking, but the one quality they possess in common is openness. And the ones that stay in our corner are the friends who forgave us the most. Exposure is honesty, and it plays a significant role. Genuine friendship cannot exist where one of the parties is unwilling to hear the truth.
“Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from a friend’s forehead.
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Finding an honest friend to love you back can be difficult or can be easy. If you aspire to break the polygon finally, be yourself,
Set healthy boundaries around the way your friends treat you.
Start saying no to things that aren't good for you.
Elimination of those friends leaves room for better friends to come in.
The more you take care of yourself, the more confidence you hold, and you feel better about yourself.
Last but not least, make sure you are not a mean person.
What did I used to do in this polygon?
I would continuously badger myself by questioning and overthinking what harm I committed. What was my fault? If I had another chance, I would do it differently. I would continuously apologize even if I weren't cognizant of an unintentional flaw. I would continually speculate about the person and missing them and wishing they would come back in my life. I would pray for closure if they were not responding. And like everyone else, I would call my other friends to vent and complain. Long story short, I held zero self-respect and had fallen to 100% self-pity.
How did I escape and what I do now?
Memories in a Good Friendship Stay Good Memories Forever. Yet, when you are love yourself enough you can look at any memory without any regret and still be happy it ended when it was healthy for both parties to go their separate journeys.
Thank you for coming and Thank you more for leaving. It was a beautiful redirection for us all.
These two friends came into my life out of nowhere, and we became best friends. We had times together the can never be replaced or devalued. Each moment was very near and dear and oh so precious. So what happened?
One girl was from Paris. When I visited her, I was a new adventurer, and she was well knowledgeable about traveling. I was intrigued by her spontaneity, and we hit it off well. We held differences that never bothered me. Alas, she had no aptitude for inconsistencies that grew. I was open, and she was closed about minor changes. I took the hint and gave her space. I confess I probably needed her more than she needed me. When I grieved for her friendship, I cried a lot from the bottom of my heart, begging she knew how much I adored her and loved her. And sad that my young care-free attitude had driven her apart. It took me a long time to stop missing her. Even to this day, I wish her the very best. Now it's been quite a few years, and I evolved myself. I am fortunate we met and more blessed we departed because she unknowingly left me to teach myself to grow. I did send her an email once thanking her for coming and teaching growth to the naive me. I wish her well forever and still love her beautiful smile.
The other girl was from Pakistan. This one is hard to depict where it began because there is so much involved. I loved her more than I loved myself, which was probably my greatest mistake. She was the perfect sister I never had. I desired for her all the happiness the world can provide. I did for her what I did for no one. And to be fair, so did she. We secured many of each other's dreams. Alas, I went to Pakistan during a time I was falling ill of many different adverse concerns. It was difficult to escape my mind and body challenges regardless of the happiness. As I had yet to discover what I was going through and where all these pains were arising. Stress, weight, worry all joined me on my trip, as did my once again my care-free attitude and my love for laughing and meeting new people. My mistake was accepting an invite while I was ill. I should have stayed back and taken care of myself first by visiting doctors and obtaining a finite diagnosis. I should have ascertained the conditions of my illness and discomfort, rather than being a burden. However, good friends also should not drop you during complex tragedies. Alas, it ended without openness—no closure, no communication as to what happened. Because I loved her so much, I also let her go with a closing text, 'Your happiness is my happiness. If you are happier to break what we invested in, then you hold all my respect and I wish you the very best.' I missed her a lot. Yet to my surprise, for only two weeks. I didn't understand why I didn't miss her more, cry, yearn or feel the need for pretty much anything except to move on. I guess Paris girl made me strong enough to love myself and not torture myself if someone doesn't recognize your worth in their life. I still wish her well and all the best for her. However, as the sun comes up each morning, so do new and healthy friends. Today I have the most empowering friends, and I am growing with them. I did go through other significant difficulties. Only guess what, they chose not to run away; however, stick with me through it. And for that, I see their value too! I left the love POLYGON, and I gained some long-lasting friends in my corner.
New Me!
I recognize something occurred to traverse to this point. I try and make a few efforts of open communication. If they respond well, I am willing to take accountability and apologize for my wrong acts. If it's something beyond my control and I sense I am not valued. I will send an affectionate message saying I am so sorry I do not feel comfortable in this relationship anymore. And that's it. I then focus on my priorities, work, family, and my good friends. I continue living life to the fullest because tomorrow is not promised. I possess more than enough self-respect not to sit and wallow for a person who needs an explanation of my worth or presence in their life. Badda Bing Badda Boom. Done. Thank you Next!
My career introduced me to copious people. By golly, I appreciate all of them. There are a few that I love so much. I yearned to be closer to them. I welcome their aura, smiles, charisma, aspirations, determination, and perception. Nearly as if I saw them grow up into the lovely person they are, yet I recently met them. I now keep a healthy distance. I don’t cling, pursue, chase. However I continuously check in. This way the respect and admiration is there and most of all I did not entrap myself in a solitude of love polygon again.
If they really love you, they can never leave you. If you really love yourself, they can never leave you. LOVE then LIVE!
Always in You Corner,