YESTERYEARS
Brings Dear FEARS
“Yes, our old age is not going to be sunny orchard drowse. By shutting down the fire curtain, though, I find I can live in the moment; which is good; why yield a moment to regret or envy or worry? Why indeed?”
STOP!!!!!! You cannot reverse your outward aging appearance no matter how much you glare at the 'rearview mirror.' Aging and life itself is a privilege; grow with it. Look ahead and drive forward.
Why? Why do we support and permit what we cannot control to curate anger, regret, and insecurity within our minds? As I see it, 'Grow Old & Happy' or 'Grow Old & Grumpy'; which one is it going to be? Which one are you going to choose?
The world is progressing towards botox, fillers, freezing cells, depression, anxiety, or exercising dangerous risks because people cannot accept how to age gracefully—both externally and particularly internally.
I get it; we all desire to seem and feel beautiful, though that emanates from our hearts and mind. How we think is the age we genuinely are. If you act like a douchebag at age seventy, you haven't grown at all. Actual aging is a 'Growth Mindset.'
So in this blog, I will address a few sub-topics of aging. Essentially focused on 'Obnoxious Older Men' and 'The Ugly Truth About Nostalgia.'
Older Men Who Commit Woman Assault on Condescension
The insults of old age are piling up for so long that we are relatively numb to them, except for when it's personally directed. I want to present a frequently neglected topic as a 'no biggie,' 'joke,' 'not a big deal; to be frank, it is anything but a 'no biggie.' The concerning issue on hand is 'Men who vocalize by the verbal and non-verbal cues that they are uninterested in any association with older women (older as in over forty) and their explicit wrong-headed (pun intended) interest in younger women (young enough to be their daughter or granddaughter.).' This blog subject was requested by an anonymous woman who exhibited the need to address the matter after an embarrassing experience (detailed later in this blog). Myself being over forty and enduring similar troubled experiences; I concur.
As I stated, there exist two significant perceptions of growing old; Happily or Unhappily. There are those men who walk around daily confident, smiling, and humourous and behave like gentlemen to all women around them, indifferent of age, appearance, or desire. On the flip side, exist the primarily grumpy men, who obtain any reason to be pestered, a life of multiple disappointments that left them feeling insecure, and when it comes time for 'mid-life-crisis, let's just suppose, 'Hello ClusterFuck.'
Different diminutive branches spread, but the central perception is when either man can hold a good day or a bad day. Still, they cannot alter how they build themselves unless they are cognizant and readily willing to admit their thought behavior and how it influences the mind and its operations. Their trauma unintentionally devises daily drama.
So let's get on with the sexist old men theory.
An older woman who works as a cashier in a market was peacefully operating her job ringing up consumers. Alongside her were her much younger associates, also ringing up consumers. Here comes an older man mumbling and bickering into the store. As he gets in line, the older woman smiles at him and asks, "How are you doing today Sir?" This unhappy with his life man repeatedly shrieks, "I want the younger women to ring me up. I want one of the younger women to ring me up."
How many of us wanna scream, "Horny much?", "Bad Day Grandpa," "Grow up," or more blatantly, "Shut up, have you looked in the mirror lately?".
Let's put on hold for a moment the million and one reasons why his demeanor was inappropriate. For now, let us reflect on that older employee who was holding a fine day smiling till this dark cloud appeared. What has she done to warrant such rudeness? The answer is 'NOTHING.' Of course, we can all say to her, "don't worry, it's not you. It's him. Let it be." And she may as well move on with her day. Yet what if she can't? What if it disturbed her? What if she is mature enough to actualize he may be performing this rude behavior to other older women. Should she stay withdrawn and take it? Or should she say, "Go ahead Grandpa."
At times no action is enabling incorrect behavioral health. I am guilty of the no-action once when I traveled to a wedding in Pakistan for a good friend. Two of his other boys came along. I should clarify, one was a boy and the other not so much. Boy, if I can go back in time, I would exclaim the poor old soul to dig deeper inside his insecure self and fix himself, so he doesn't presume to act like an arrogant ass. He was a very rude old man with me, for almost two weeks. If he only knew he was losing any respect he had left. Me staying quiet the entire two weeks was out of respect for my other friend. In retrospect, I should speak my true sentiments.
Although I regard myself as a lovely and strong woman (at the time, I was forty-two), I held a moment of weakness induced by this guy's intended discrete offense. Above all, his verbal and non-verbal cues of unwarranted hatred were incidences that undeniably left me unhappy for the moment. One day we were all traveling together and getting dressed for a wedding. Everyone looked neat and clean. The young woman (almost five years older than half my age) asked me what she should wear?
I chose the more elegant and richly embroidered of the two dresses as I wanted for her to feel as gorgeous as she desired to look. I hadn't much time to pack, so I threw on about a fifty-dollar valued outfit. Due to my skills and talent, I still looked and felt like a million bucks. The other girl also looked elegant, though, for some reason, she was quiet and didn't say a word to me all night. I wasn't confident about what was up. I continued to be myself. Then I heard her say to her partner, "I wish I wore a different outfit." I wanted to tell her that she looked beautiful and that two gorgeous outfits wouldn't make a huge difference in her total radiating beauty. But I knew (wisdom comes with age) that it was her insecurity standing beside me, looking ravishing in my modest fifty-dollar outfit.
As we were both standing close to each other, waiting for the car to pull up, the older man of the two came right up to her face, glanced at me, and then back at her and softly said, "You look absolutely stunning tonight, just wonderful." And then he half smiled and turned around. Not that I needed a compliment from his ass. I knew well and good that I was looking gorgeous that night, ergo even the other girl was feeling a bit insecure, yet to purposely come to two women and compliment one, that's anything except a gentleman; more like a miserable jerk.
So why did it bother me? Was it that I didn't receive the compliment? Was it that I was feeling lonely, far from home? Was it that my friend's friend was a total douchebag?
No, it was because I possess self-respect for myself, and I am an empowered woman, a woman who did not want to be around men who thrive off of senseless power control to feel young and cool. The fact that older men so sickly entreat attention from younger women is a vast psychological drawback. Why must they pursue what is not for them? Why do they necessitate to be with women half their age and to fascinate young women? It is all because they are counterbalancing their external appearance. And they feel more youthful, sexier, and still attractive around younger women. That's why most men begin working out on their physique when they become older. They don't own much to compete for, so their only bait is physique, money, brains( that once again bring higher income), or a play on words for insecure young women who never endured compliments and are now inclined towards any man that compliments her, regardless of age.
Men, please accept who you are at your current age. If you do, we promise you; you will be even more attractive because the most attractive element in the world is happiness. When it derives from the inner you, you will not need to insult older women and crave youth from another younger soul. The best youth is in your own heart. If you feel young at heart, then age is irrelevant.
Be strong, turn mid-life-crisis to mid-life-thesis. Understand yourself, and you are a real winner.
Ten Reasons Why Older Men Like Younger Women
Is age just a number and nothing more? Is it in the head or the legs? No matter how you answer these questions, you must admit that relationships with a significant age difference are prevalent.
Is the significant age difference ok for you, as well as for those who decided on such a relationship? Besides, do you wonder why a man is usually older in these relationships (except in the case of French President Macron, who, like a true Frenchman, likes to change love customs)?
Here's why men usually think they want young women:
1. She thinks she's better in bed
Overall. Men generally think that a younger woman is full of energy and passion. Well then, in bed.
2. He may be going through a midlife crisis
Men sometimes think they can hold on to youth through a young woman. A man going through a midlife crisis often decides that he will do just about anything to make himself look like he is still young and do everything he wanted in his youth. And that's why he starts dating young women; the more, the better.
3. For most men, young women are more beautiful than middle-aged women
Few men will see and understand the beauty of an older woman; they believe that beauty and youth go hand in hand. That is the standard of beauty that today's media constantly promote: the younger is always better.
4. He may not be interested in anything in the long run
Some older men are convinced that young women are more open to short-term love experiences. They do not want a real relationship, but an affair and are confident it is easier with a young woman.
5. Men want what they can't get
They believe that an older man should not tie a much younger woman to himself. For many, this is why young women are a kind of forbidden fruit. And then the chase is more exciting.
6. Young women prefer to experiment
If a guy wants to experiment in bed, he thinks that there is a high probability that he will have more luck with a young woman. Experimenting in bed requires openness, which is more common among young women.
7. Young women demand less
Older women will always ask for more than a relationship. They know what they need, and they expect it. Younger women are more relaxed and easier to satisfy – at least that's what men think.
8. Young women are preoccupied with many other things as well
The man thinks that the younger woman is working on setting career frameworks and frameworks for her future, and with that, she is quite overwhelmed, which keeps her employed. Which means it won't burden him too much with their relationship and expectations of him.
9. Maybe he's looking for someone he can control
It is no secret that a young woman will very often ask for and accept the advice of an older man or even let him guide her through life. Many older men who want to be bosses in a relationship choose young women who agree to it.
10. She flatters his ego
For an older man, a younger woman is a trophy (which is why they are called trophy women) that he can brag about in front of the world. It improves his self-confidence and raises his ego.
Source* https://tekdeeps.com/ten-reasons-why-older-men-like-younger-women/
Can my blog change all Men? Hell No! Can it change a few; I sure hope so. Can it wake up some young women who feed these men, I sure hope so. Can it make the older strong woman stronger..DEFINITELY!!
Disclaimer* same goes for older women who are rude to older men. It’s not okay. Check into why you need this youth feeling so badly, why can’t you accept who you naturally are? Aging is beautiful. Can’t slow it down and do not rush it.
sorry man; still not the same. don’t try too hard just be you.
NOSTALGIA - THE UGLY TRUTH
“Human beings are meaning makers, and nostalgia provides us with an automatic mechanism to reflect on the past and draw meaning from our experiences.”
I.M.O.: Our brain is wired to forget hardship, pain, discomfort, broken hearts, sleepless nights, illness, anxiety. My hardcore belief is that by the mercy of the higher power and our mind and body's way of healing, we recover. With time we heal and overcome many tragedies. Yes, I do not deny that amongst those memories came along regrets and resentment. But both regret and resentment are overall a mental change procured by fear and anger. What do you have left from those trials and tribulations if you let go of both regret and resentment? Let me help you, the first thing you think about is how you prevailed, that's right; victory! Our minds automatically attach happy endings to all our complex and long experiences. In essence, we are proud of how we came out of it more robust in the end. As per last week's blog, 'What doesn't kill you make you stronger."
It is the same ideology Nostalgia. Disappointments is a part of life. They come to teach us how to handle and work through these difficult emotions to the best of our knowledge. As we age, we grow more substantial, and wisdom comes from these testing moments. The older we get, our problems seem to grow bigger. But do they? How are you not getting your favorite job position any harder than not getting into your favorite college? It's not! Do you get it yet? You are getting older, stronger, and wiser with age; this defines growth and is the essential beauty of aging. Life is a privilege because you get to grow. I mean, what other option is there? Either you grow old, or you die. I prefer the former, don't you?
So how does this tie into Nostalgia and the ugly truth? People say all the time, "If only I knew then what I know now." well, that is the key. Nostalgia is just a string of the best and fondest memories omitting all the worst and hardest memories in between.
But then that's not life. And hypothetically, let's say you did, I guarantee you, you would do right what you had done wrong, but because now your focus is different, you would also be more cognizant of other concerns that at the time were oblivious to you while you were too occupied with what you thought were more significant issues at the time. My point is that everyone has a pocket full of problems. What you went through, if it weren't that, it would have been something else. I'm sure of it. Be glad you dealt with your share of cards and not someone else you couldn't come out of permanently.
So when we look at our kids getting older, and we wish they were young again to the good old days, think back harder, was it perfect every darn day? Do you not remember some days that were so hard you didn't know how you made it through? Try to feel that SAME pain again, can you? No, you cannot. Why not? Because that is growth. That is our mind and body's natural healing. We remember parts of us try hard. But you cant shed those same tears or shout out loud with anger from memory from over ten years ago. ( if you can, please get some help.)
So that is why when you look back, you remember all the happiness of your youth. You remember the young, energetic, fun, risky, silly, and so much more.
What's stopping you now? That memory you are so fond of is YOURS to keep. No one can steal it from you. Keep it, savor it. But also be mature enough to realize that thinking about your youth is biased; you are not thinking of the hard times. That why it feels so good.
For example, I am now forty-three, and this morning I walked into a coffee shop I did twenty-four years ago. I noticed how the construction changed, the decor, the music, the generational employees. For a second, I thought, wow, I was young and started my nostalgia emotions. For a second, I was about to say it was much better 24 years ago, but then I stopped myself thinking, if I walk into this shop again 30 years from now, I will once again say the life moment felt better thirty years ago.
Nostalgia will always be Nostalgia; remember next time; all it is is much good with a bonus of 'bad memories deleted.'
NO, IT WASN'T. That is all in our ahead. The absolute truth is, it is BETTER NOW. YES, RIGHT NOW. AT THIS VERY MOMENT! So fine, remember yesterday but be here today and make your tomorrow.
No Need to insult others on account of your regrets and desires; you are so beautiful, handsome, and attractive at every age; as you lose some baby skin and energy, you gain strength, brilliance, wisdom, and the most wondrous of all, memories that are yours to keep. Be You. Be Happy. Growing old is beautiful, let it happen - I’m talking to both Men and Women here! Your Soul is forever Young!
Aging Gracefully,
