I’ll FLY if I want to

“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count, it’s the life in your years.”

— Abraham Lincoln

So what's so special about Birthdays? Children feel like superstars year after year celebrating their special day, with cake, desserts, a party, and gifts. However, as people mature, some drop interest or don't perceive the necessity to celebrate extravagantly, and others live it up in the form of 'YOLO'!

What's the story behind their wants, needs, or lack thereof? Everyone has a story. I'd love to share mine. Yet before I extrapolate that, I would like to take a moment and dig deeper into the why's of the preceding question.

Celebrating anything is more about feeling and getting in touch with your emotions. Do you stay quiet as you think you are not worthy of love? Do you lay low because you feel validated and do not need to display this day to anyone other than your family? Is it because you are worried about aging and you believe you don't look or feel beautiful now? Do you all together feel old? Why the 'its not a big deal?'

It is a big deal, and it should be. You are not too old; age is nothing but a number. Let us respect gray hairs, especially our own. As Mark Twain said, "Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been. So let us never know what old age is. Instead, let us know the happiness time brings, not count the years.

MY BIRTHDAY STORY

In my opinion, birthdays are your God-given birthright to enjoy your special day to the most lavish. So how do you wish to fulfill your desires? Do you like an intimate party or rent a yacht and invite everyone you know, or somewhere in between?

I wasn't forever hyper-crazy about celebrating my birthdays lavishly. However, this intense need, desire, or act of love for myself came about in my more recent years.

Previously I would be content with a regular no special design cake, a few phone calls, birthday greetings, and text messages. Was there anything wrong with that? No, not all. Some people enjoy life every day and are so grateful that they don't need to outshine on one extra day of the year.

But no, not I. So my story, in hindsight, begins with the loss of my mother at age ten. As a young kid, I grew up seeking to fill an inevitable void, feeling sorry for myself, and staying focused on a bright destiny ahead so that my future family and children would not undergo the feeling I exhibited growing up.

I never got to feel like a superstar year after year with cake, gifts, and parties. Could you say I do it now because I didn't experience it in my childhood? I'm sure you can. Only is that the actual truth? Not really. Look around the world; the world is full of a massive population of underprivileged kids who would be grateful for their next sip of water or plate of food. Yet, I doubt they are pondering how they will celebrate their birthday, much less even remember when it is.

My reason for not caring and caring for it so preciously is dedicated to my beloved mother. My mother was thirty-three when she passed away battling cancer, and I was such a young and naive child. There were no smartphones, computers, or any significant technology back then. So for me, it was a simple life of school, home, and playing in the neighborhood. After my mom passed, I developed broken without knowledge. Broken I was for years on end—part of the devastation left in my mind a paranoia that I would not live to see thirty-three. I grew up with this anxiety like a dark cloud over my head for decades.

I celebrated my first daughter Zara's birthday (2006) party so extravagantly that it looked like someone was getting engaged. I did the same for my other daughters as well. And each birthday year for them was filled with much love, creativity, effort, and tremendous joy.

After I celebrated my last child turning one and reflected on the pictures, I noticed something I never comprehended before. I recognized I was still trying to fill the void by providing large parties to my kids, assuming if I am not going to live long, they will look back at all their parties and see how extraordinary they are and how much their mom loved them. And while I hold no regrets, I no longer arrange these impressive birthday parties for my kids. Knowing that mom (me) is there for them every step of the way is more than enough validation for them and me. They never needed more, and to be honest, less would have been better. Even financially ;p

NOW I DO IT FOR MYSELF

Yes, I realized it one day when it hit me all of a sudden. I said, why am I still surviving in fear? I possess a beautiful life, lovely daughters, and I will live a long and healthy life. And rather than fretting about not living past thirty-three, I will now embrace my age, energy, and, most importantly MYSELF. I honestly began loving myself profoundly. It takes time, effort, consistency, and application to absolutely love yourself despite your past, mistakes, learning experience, and especially traumatic exposures.

So this is why I celebrate my birthday extravagantly year after year and feel like a superstar; because I am one. And so are every one of you. You better believe it.

We sadly sell ourselves short from childhood losses and trauma. That bit of life is behind you; let it go. Live for now and live like today is your day every day, and when it truly is your day, I inspire you to feel that love you hold for yourself. For all that you endured and all that you accomplished, big or small, it was you, all you! So be proud of yourself and celebrate yourself.

For the past many years, ten years, I celebrated my birthday with endless passion, excitement joy, and I celebrate for nearly two weeks. My fortieth in Cancun was my favorite. I stood out on the balcony above the soft, soothing sand, the endless heart-waving pitch dark ocean, and the stars above in the mystical sky at midnight, and I indeed roared at the top of my lungs, “I am FORTYYYYYYY.” It was an exhilarating moment.. No matter how bizarre or crazed someone may consider this is, for me, it feels like I am the most beautiful woman in the world. My heart senses like it's soaring in the skies, and my mind holds serene stillness. The awe of my day surrounded by the people I love most and who love me for all that I am, makes me feel happy I was BORN.