Marriage Carriage
Comfort or Burden, Your Daily Choice
“Life is precious, because you cannot relive it. If only you knew it was magical. It could be your last meal, your last hug, but you won’t know it will be you last. That’s why you should do everything you love with passion.”
Marriage is the greatest carriage on your shoulders you will carry till death do you part. Ergo marriage isn't something you do once. You must do it every day over and over. It's a promise you made to yourself before committing to your partner. If you say you are going to do something, then do it. Execution is elevation. You cannot sit there and say, "I know what the right thing to do is," "I will work on it," "I understand my shortcomings," and duplicate the same behavior.
Not only are you playing with someone else's life, what's more, but destructive is also that you are fooling yourself. You are better than that.
Accept it without pondering an ulterior motive when your spouse is friendly and when they cannot be pleasant, welcome that they must be going through a predicament. Understanding yourself and your partner deeper will carry more compassion than hate.
Some Daily Suggestions:
Don't be snappy to judge. Try for a moment not to.
Give your partner the benefit of the doubt.
Don't accept harmful behavior, though also do not get aggressive. Stay quiet. Let the situation and the environment calm down. Do not allow your emotions to blind you. Nothing good happens in haste when feelings are not centered or well balanced.
Remember the greater good.
Feel gratitude for the good actions from the past or even now.
IDEAL
I do not particularly appreciate using the term ideal as it is subjective to personal character and aspirations. IDEAL - first thing on your list is to completely 'eradicate' this word. FULL HALT. When it comes to mind, cease to let it exist. There is no such thing. The world, society, social media, and the film industry inspire and raise such unrealistic expectations that people are often disappointed. I am not trying to be the black cloud. On the contrary, harboring idealistic expectations will keep you unhappy and lonely.
If you hold valued expectations, you must fulfill them yourselves and not give up on them. Dreaming about them for years on end with no change is ridiculous (trust me, I did that, and still guilty of some; more to come later.)
Quite frankly, your partner is not you or vice versa. Hopefully, you were cognizant of this when making a lifelong commitment. In the beginning, all is full of love, admiration, compromise, patience, and grace.
Alas, it changes. It is what it is. Of course, there are exceptions to all generalizations as there couples who adore and love as day one. However, realistically, marriage needs work daily. You cannot say, 'I was nice to you Monday,' and then give up Friday. It would be best if you put in the effort daily. And your spouse should not take advantage of your friendly actions and come and say, "you've been doing great; keep doing it," without offering their expressions of love and efforts for you as well. Marriage itself is a balance, a ying-yang.
It is not that marriage is give and take relationship. Though it is GIVE on BOTH PARTS. So if there is a vast imbalance in equilibrium, natural consequences will follow.
Do what you can, then do more. Because it is an effort, you committed to daily. Sure, if you do not want to do it, don't. Take the easy way out. Easy comes with a hefty cost. How's that working out for you? The discipline cost is action, but the benefits you reap will outweigh your efforts with the lightest and most fortunate days of companionship.
This is How I LOVE
I hone this Marriage recipe
If it were up to me, I would kiss morning, day, night, and all hours between.
I cannot go to sleep angry; my mind and soul will brew all night until I explicitly communicate my feelings. I need to clear the air. (sometimes I am calm about a topic and other times emotional when I feel frustrated. I been heavily working on my approach and communication skills.) Regardless I absolutely cannot sleep angry. Life is too short to do this.
I constantly ask for a date. Since my pre-marital days and I still do. I believe dating is essential for a healthy relationship.
I will either give or text my partner a compliment daily. Or at the least say thank you. Even if it was for a genuine act, he did a long time ago.
I try and find an excuse daily to say Hello, even when we are busy or angry with one another.
I still write a letter, card, or message on a napkin when I get a chance. I find it playful. I am a very playful partner. Sometimes when my partner is angry and aggressive, my response is playful to lighten the vibe (and sometimes I'm like- not my problem, lol)
I always ask for a couples vacation; going on a few years now, still waiting. I will continue to ask till death do us part. However, I will not stop vacationing on my own. It is embedded as willful passion in my soul, and I will not give this up. You ought to love your aspirations enough to do them regardless with or without someone. Of course, I would love to go with a companion, though I am happy solo as well.
Losing my mom at such a young age taught me one major life value. Love all the time like it's your last day. I am always sending love messages to my partner, kids, and friends all the time. I have no clue how long life is written for me. So I try and live every moment full of zest.
life is precious, because you can’t live it again. life is magical. It could be your last meal, your last hug, but you won’t know it will be you last. That’s why you should do everything you love with passion.
“A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal.”
Zishan & Aneela
Strengths & Weaknesses
The dynamic is constructed from individual characteristics. Just as each individual has strengths and weaknesses, so do couples. That's why it's a dire necessity to understand each other's powers and sensitive issues so that you do not strike any unwanted boundaries or do not dismay each other's needs.
Of course, this is much easier said than done. Our struggle is that we are opposites in character. The most significant difference is that I am an extrovert, and my partner is an introvert. What gives me bliss and passion inadvertently makes him devitalized and drained. On the other hand, life at home makes him feel relaxed, and I feel like I am letting life pass.
The other significant difference is our preferred love language. While mine is words of expression, affirmation, and affection through touch and gifts, his acts of service; include getting groceries, filling my car with gas, arranging the firewood for our fireplace, or picking up my prescription and more. I stumble with this a lot at times; I feel like a sibling, roommate, or friend can do this as well. For me, romance and intimacy are unique dynamics between a married couple. However, as I said earlier, how one displays their love can be completely different. I would love more romance in my life or sweet words to melt by. Though, I must accept that I have a man with a good heart, a good provider and who fully supports my dreams.
Through my previous blogs, we can now understand our final product is through an accumulation of our childhood, our traumas, losses, gains, and upbringing. So to conclude, I am an attention giver and seeker, and he is more subdued even though he feels just as much. Doesn't imply he loves me less than I love him? I experience days where I toil with this still. Then I get myself out of—it by doing romantic stuff. I will light a candle, wear my favorite pajamas, grab some chocolate pour my favorite drink, and enjoy my quiet time as I appreciate all that God has bestowed.
So here you are, two individuals with entirely different perceptions trying to live one life together. And that is where the drawback comes in. Living one life together is sacrificial and requires each to give way more than they can handle or are willing to give. Once you start compromising yourself, you will end up in a clusterfuck as it will come back to hurt you.
Know your partner but also recognize your limits and desires. Do not pass your boundaries or theirs, and do not give up on your wants. You can live your own life and a life together. This works best for us. He does his thing, I do mine, and then we do plenty together. This way, you get the best of both worlds, and you do not feel caged in a relationship but rather that the marriage carriage you are riding leads to a beautiful destination of respect, love, and grace. You get one shot at it. Enjoy the ride.
Working On The Marriage Carriage Daily,
