Secret to Happiness
Your Vibe Attracts Your Tribe!
It sounds simple, doesn't it? So why do we always feel like we are the victim in almost any given situation? Why do we continue to look for people that will understand us without having to explain ourselves? Why do we keep falling into the same rut with different people?
Before I continue, please keep in mind each individual and their scenario is specific to their experience. However, this blog should alleviate and answer many of your past experiences, and many of your why's? I will begin by sharing my personal experience. If you've read my previous blogs, you know that losing a parent left me quite insecure for a long time. And through my other posts, you've seen my growth since, especially regarding my confidence state of mind. I hope to guide those looking for help and plant the seed of confidence, courage, and positivity.
Let's start with my raw failures. I'll be honest and give myself the okay to admit that I always loved my appearance and presentability. Ergo from the outside, I always looked fashionable and confident. But my story wasn't so black and white. I went through years of pain and looking and searching for love. For real love. The unconditional kind. The kind where someone doesn't call you a "Drama Queen" over the smallest issue.
My high school years were tough. I experienced bullying as I was a minority from Pakistan. Initially, I was in the so-called 'popular crowd.' Till I realized and overheard one day that they just pretended to like me because I helped them with their homework and studies. I still remember this day vividly. I felt hurt that I ran to the girls' bathroom stall to cry. And I had decided that I will no longer help them. I was doing it out of pure love and kindness. But these kids didn't seem that way. They took what I offered and continued to bully me. In hindsight, was it their fault? Not really. I did it to myself. Had I not been so desperate to look for a true friend, this probably would not happen. Alas, my high school years were lost. I never found a friend I could truly trust and or respect.
Then came a few good years of college and my first job. I was happy; I was making friends. I was getting straight A's in all my courses. I was able to work, study, spend time with my friends, and become a Resident Assistant. I was at the peak of my young adult years. I got a job as an Analytical Chemist as soon as I graduated. My biannual reviews were awesome. I was requested to join all manager meetings. Life was truly amazing. In hindsight, I look back, and I now realize it was because I was busy challenging myself rather than giving up on life. I chose to better myself. All of these challenges helped me grow. Gaining new experiences and accomplishing goals I never dreamed would bring me happiness on the inside.
And that was the secret that I didn't know about when my inner happiness brought around me friends for life. Friends that I love to this day. Regardless of our ups and downs, my college and first career friends are still here today. And today, I love them like my own family. Boy! I wish I had known the reason these years were perfect. I felt happy doing me, exploring me, creating me, and fine-tuning me.
Then came marriage. To no surprise, it's always sweet in the beginning. Till reality hits. Till you realize it's not just about you anymore. Everything is a compromise. Real love is blinding. In our religion, culture, we observe arranged marriages. I had many proposals from wealthy, handsome looking men. But something was always missing. I couldn't tell what it was. In hindsight, once again, my insecurity was screaming, "You don't want money or looks. You want someone who will love you, UNCONDITIONALLY!"
When I met my husband, he was still in college. So there was no money. But he had a good heart. And that's why I chose him. And being that I did not want him to lose credits by transferring to my state. I decided to move to Chicago and support him there. That (moving) was probably the biggest mistake of my life. I completely regressed in my level of inner happiness. And I could not understand why it was so hard to just love someone for who they are. I spent seven years in Chicago feeling incredibly lonely. I felt like no one understood me. I spent many nights crying myself to sleep. Oh gosh, even as I write this, my fingers are trembling. I had never experienced such relationships that only feel good as you give, but not when you request something. I felt bullied, disrespected, lied to, blamed for actions I didn't commit. I felt used. You name it, it all happened and more.
In hindsight, once again, it was my fault. Suppose I realized then what I know now. I would have just stood up for my happiness in silence and walked away, instead of fighting for my rights. But at the time, I thought, begging for love, running around for love, sacrificing for love, showing respect, was enough to change people. Boy, I was wrong? You cannot change anyone until you change YOURSELF! All the friends, community, and family I made (except a few) were all based on falsehood and temporary pleasures. I entangled myself in a cyclic behavior of pleasing others and crying alone, completely alone. I had zero inner happiness, and my life felt imprisoned.
By the stroke of luck, maybe wishful thinking, destiny, I moved back to the east coast, where I eventually found myself again. It took a long time to come out of my self-pity party. You see, no one talks about this stuff on social media. But behind the scenes, we all carry our issues.
As I spent time in Connecticut, I slowly looked for my passion. I began dreaming again about my life goals. I started challenging myself. However because I regressed so far from inner happiness, I still spent a few years feeling bad for myself. During this time, I met friends who never fully felt quite satisfied. Of course, not realizing the secret of inner happiness, once again, I was disappointed. I almost began falling back into the rut of just pleasing others and throwing random parties and dinners and celebrating all their occasions and being there for all their emergencies. Then, slowly, one day it hit me; I wanted to stop this cycle and ascertain what makes me happy. I started choosing myself, loving myself, being happy, chasing my dreams. As I found my inner happiness, I could see the shift in weening people off and now wisely filtering people. I went from treating everyone like VIP to only treating those that accepted me for who I truly am. The more I did this, the more time I had to fine-tune myself once again.
I recently went through some health issues, and at this time, I did lose many intimate friends. But for the first time in forever, it did not bother me the least. No regrets! No, I did not miss them. No, I did not reminisce our times together. I was utterly unaffected. I didn't understand why at first. The first thing I thought was, "am I bitch for not caring?" Then I had an epiphany. NOOOO! It was because I FINALLY fell in love with myself!. My whole being. My perfections and my imperfections. And I woke up loving me every day.
So by the law of attraction or by the frequency I was sending out, new people started coming into my life. Unexpectedly just pouring in faster than I ever imagined. Now, who would think that you finally found unconditional friends in your 40's hehe! But it had nothing to do with age. It just took me that long to realize that I was finally giving off the inner happiness vibe. This vibe gave me a new grateful life. Good or bad moments, my friends and family are there. I smiled more in the past few years then I did my entire life. Oh, I wish I can list the multitude of examples of my new tribe. But the world hasn't created that much space yet.
I feel so blessed to be where I am today. I hope you all understood that this entire blog was all about 'SELF-WORTH'! I wish I had found mine sooner. However, I am so happy to have found it. Life without self-worth is truly self-pity. So if you find yourself surrounded by people who do not respect you, who do not fulfill your needs, and so on. IT's OKAY! Find YOURSELF! The rats will disappear, and you will make room for people who love seeing you smile, succeed, encourage you, inspire you, and be there for you. It’s a beautiful feeling. And now that I own it. I will never go back to the old me. I love myself too much to think about being entangled where my integrity or love is questionable.
As selfish as it sounds. Love yourself thoroughly before you can love someone else. Because others can't make you happy, only you can! Do not make decisions you are not well equipped for. Choose wisely and choose your happiness, above all. You owe yourself that happy cheery vibe.
I'll leave you with a recent example. My husband is out of town for almost a month. At this time, I invited guests over. Thereafter our state was in an emergency due to a storm. We lost power and hot water for seven strennous days. In this time, all my friends and the community came through for my kids and I without asking whatsoever. Different families dropped off, flashlights, food, did our laundry, dropped off a cooler with ice and drinks, battery charger for electronics to be charged, boiling water, running grocery trips, and providing their home space for showers and cooking. It was amazing to see that my happiness showed up like a million blessings during a terrible storm.
I feel blessed. We all have people in our lives that drain us, use us, abuse us, discourage us, and are negative around us. Do yourself a favor and let go. Love yourself enough to be happy. The happier you are, the more content people will surround you. Just as misery likes company so does happiness!
Happily Yours,