Note*Fuck*cations
Expectations
“PATIENCE & EXPECTATION...
I prefer them as SYNONYMS...Y?
Coz in BOTH we expect these FROM others in equal level. But lack within Ourselves.”
While this quote weighs heavily and practically on many distinct levels and elements in our lives, I want to focus on the lack of patience and flawed reality of high expectations regarding all NOTIFICATIONS.
Whether it's an iMessage, Instagram notification, Facebook comment, or any direct platform message, even email notification, it appears as though the new era of patience and expectations has diminished to lousy standards.
Factors in judgment are now:
How quick you reply
Length of your reply
Content of your message
Emoji language
Grammar (believe it or not)
Bully, control, narcissistic and toxic texting
Sadly, these are the genuine and severe concerns today that cause tremendous anxiety. What happened to the bigger scheme of life, where one should be distressed with countries battling war and increasing refugees? On the contrary, we are evolving to small-minded people worried about small-minded notifications.
So how do we get passed this? First, we must educate, learn and recognize the behavior within ourselves; .secondly, we must apply what we learned to form better relations. If you note this behavior within yourself, make it a priority to bring an active, positive change. If you are the target, call out the behavior precisely what it is. Do not accept it.
HOW YOU MESSAGE SOMEONE DISPLAYS YOUR IMAGE - NOT THE PERSON YOU ARE messaging
Remember that the words, content, texting tone (yes, tone very much is such a thing), and public display of your communication fully convey your personality, not the receivers. We continually see receivers belittling themselves to lower standards as they try to justify, guard their ego, get even, or any other type of retribution. Vengeance is not helpful; it will only exasperate the issue.
How quick you reply puts you on high expectations and low patience for the sender:
These '???' were established on the quick reply this individual wanted. For instance, let's look at a FB message by someone I seldom interact with, and how quickly I reply agitated her. This individual inquired on some personal business matters. When I grasped a moment to respond, she asked me more questions (nothing wrong with asking, although we do not communicate much at all, she was genuinely looking for help from a skincare expert.) Fifty-One minutes was too much of a wait for her to receive an answer from someone she barely knows; ergo, she sent me '???'
So I called her out on her behavior. I explained to her that expecting me to cease all my responsibilities to answer her questions was absolute impatience, and she held me to high expectations for someone she barely knew. This type of communication will not help her achieve proper relations. Of course, she can continue to write as she wishes, though no one is obligated to respond to anyone if they do not feel comfortable.
Next time you send someone a message on whatever platform, do not scrutinize the time stamp. It doesn't help. The receiver will get to it when they can. No one is bound to stop what they are doing to reply to you. It is not a state of emergency. It is just a state of your emotions implanted in your mind, not theirs. So be patient and don't hold others up to expectations.
When you send a text or a message, move on. Do not sit and wait for a reply. Do not refresh your screen, waiting for a new email or message. It would be best if you practiced patience. You must recognize that this new technology 'ERA' is 'ERAdicating positive, welcoming, and understanding behaviors. Don't fall into the trap. It's a hard place to be. Just relax and enjoy your life.
???
These '???' were established on the quick reply this individual wanted. For instance, let's look at a FB message by someone I seldom interact with, and how quickly I reply agitated her.
2. Length of your reply
The length of your reply indicates your schedule, interest in responding, manners, and lack of emotions. This is a tricky one, however. Isn't a short response better than 'NO REPLY?' Short replies to the sender make the sender sad (they get irritated, but once again, we know anger is a direct response to sad emotions.) Though this also implies the sender holds expectations from the receiver. My best advice here is:
Please do what you want to do because ONLY YOU want to do it. Do not worry, overthink, or analyze how you wish the receiver to respond to your message. You cannot and should not uphold anyone else behavior. You can only control your behavior.
Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about their own - Paulo Coelho
Length of Reply
Random image from google to explain the passive dramatic exchange between messages. The length of your reply indicates your schedule, interest in responding, manners, and lack of emotions. This is a tricky one, however. Isn't a short response better than 'NO REPLY?'
3. Content of your MESSAGE
Be very cautious not to respond in haste while your emotions are fired up or your assertion of who someone is what they did. You will often rue the message and follow up with an "I take that back" or "I am sorry for being rude." Though what is done is done. Just as you cannot reverse time, you cannot undo words. (Refer to my blog' Words. Words, Words)
It takes a few seconds to text quickly. We overlook that the receiver cannot read our mind; ergo, how they extrapolate our message is entirely based on their thought process through their experiences. This misinterpretation will undoubtedly cause friction and affliction. Therefore, I suggest taking a moment, breathing, and thinking before sending a message. Your first few words will flare the message vibe. If you wish to be perceived well, you must write well.
I noticed this about a year ago; I held a terrible habit of getting straight to the point. So now I actively make sure my first word is either Hello, Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Hey, How are you? or something of the nature where you acknowledge the receiver before they read your message.
Can content be overwhelming? Yes, it can! If an individual is busy and they've mentioned they are in a meeting, driving, working, napping, or, in my case, 'blogging,' it is problematic to divert attention to constant messages. Constant and continued messages become more nuisance unless it is an emergency or someone in your very intimate circle. So even though your content may be full of good intent, love and kindness, learn to stop when you are receiver conveys they are busy. Too much of anything isn't good. Balance is always essential.
4.Emoji language
😂 😆 😝 😀🤣 Who needs to read when you have Emoji that can practically illustrate anything and everything from excitement 🎉to sadness 😭 to even intimate relations 💖💫✨.
But did you know that the 2022 meaning of Emoji is different for different generations? For Baby Boomers, emoji language is pretty much 'what you see is what you get.'
For Generation X, emojis are an exaggerated expression of emotion. We validate what we say with feelings and love receiving the extra stories created by the Emoji.
Though for Generation Z, its a completely different world. For example, if your child says she aced an exam, and you reply with a 👌🏻; they are disappointed and feel your reply is underwhelming as they expected more of a: 👌🏻💥🎉✨😀😅😊😍😘😌👍🏽💃🏻🙊🌟💫☄️🥇🎖🎊🎁📚❣️ I'm sure you get the drift.
You can research the newest emoji language and see how different people from different generations communicate. This difference is not only in emojis but also in general overall texting. Messaging is not as simple as it used to be ergo think before your send.
5. Grammar
All caps, punctuation, and good GRAMMAR are obsolete in the latest texting era. The newest version of texting has become downright informal and almost a contemporary Non-English unrecognizable language.
A question mark indicates you want an answer immediately because you are upset.
An exclamation mark suggests you are livid. More than one would be a sign of personal aggression.
Ending a sentence with a period is foolish; too much effort for nothing.
Writing in all caps signifies you are dead on serious.
Even a proper 'Thank You' is now 'ty' - note to self* no caps.
Acronyms are everything now:
af -as fuck
ty - thank you
ttyl - talk to you later
idk - I dont know
lmao - laugh my ass off
lol - laugh out loud
htfsik - how the fuck should I know
imo - in my opinion
afaik - as far as I know
omy - on my way
omg - oh my god
Refer to images below to update yourself and be as cool af 😂
Grammar Generation Gone
All caps, punctuation, and good GRAMMAR are obsolete in the latest texting era. The newest version of texting has become downright informal and almost a contemporary Non-English unrecognizable language.
6. Bully, control, narcissistic and toxic texting
Here's a screened message from someone who is used to and who became very comfortable in the world of toxic chaos. Whenever this individual's life is not full of drama, I receive such toxic messages followed by an eventual "I'm so sorry I don't know what fuck was wrong with me."
I have known this person long enough to identify their shortcomings and reactive behavior. The instant I saw this message, I was so happy that I was completely unaffected. I am glad because I have been working very strongly on my inner self-growth and differentiating what I need to be accountable for and what has nothing to do with me. The fact that I was utterly unreactive and just clicked block without responding shows me that I carry respect for myself, and I do not need to belittle myself by responding to toxic notifications.
The text, on the other hand, displayed anger. Since we know anger is not a natural emotion, extreme sadness prompted the bully text. This person is insecure and craves attention, and when they don't get what they need (in actuality, its a want), they lash out. My inner-peace being unaffected is called 'Healthy mindset.'
First of all, you should never send an intentional harmful, toxic, degrading, insulting, or bullying text. And if you do, then you need to be a mature adult and own up to it by taking accountability and acknowledging your misdemeanor. It is not okay to hurt someone's feelings intentionally because you are sad. You are in control of your feelings. You cannot blame others for your feelings. Sending a rude text will only solidify that you must work on your inner peace and self-growth. The only thing you should pass on is compassion. Hasn't your mother told you, "If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything?"
I get it, we are all human, and we make mistakes. Though mistakes still carry boundaries. Just say you are sorry if you indeed are. Don't be fake. Do as you wish to be sought. And be sure not to repeat the same behavior twice. Otherwise, you are just making a fool of yourself, and no matter how much you deny the truth, your constructed image is by your actions.
Last but not least. Bullying is a severe crime. Bullying over text is no less harmful than IRL. It is 'verbal abuse.' If you bully someone, get help. IT'S NOT FUNNY, and IT's NOT OKAY.
If you are being bullied over text, immediately cut off all relationships with this individual. They must learn on their own that they cannot disrespect you—it is not your problem to fix them. And do not believe the content of their message. Remember, it is not valid. A bully will only try to hurt you because they are hurt. Keep your distance. Sometimes they say sorry in the moment, but unless they get professional help, they will repeat the same behavior under similar circumstances. It's time for you to cut those nasty cords and let them go.
BULLY/TOXIC Messaging
By knowing the difference, I had patience and zero expectations from this individual. I am also confident I did not meet any of her expectations regarding a response to bullying.
Below are images of mean messages randomly picked from Google.
GROUP TEXTING ambiguity
Well, it's always entertaining to be a part of a group. Or is it? Honestly, it comes down to the concoction of personalities. A great group would be one without a narcissist, an attention seeker, a control freak, an insecure person, an arrogant individual; need I say more?
Group texting should be purposeful, fun, and lighthearted. Even if it's a weighty topic or project, it is still essential to be kind to all parties in the group. Remember how you send your message reveals your personality, not theirs.
Often in groups, a person may feel left out when their comments/notions/concerns are not acknowledged. This is a form of discrete bullying. The bully will never admit to it because that would require them to take accountability. If they carried the sense to acknowledge, they would not mistreat or disrespect someone ignominiously in the first place.
Some prefer not to receive notification after notification as they find it vexatious and cannot focus on their daily work, schedule, or activities. They mute the group, silence notifications, or the group message will get a notification saying, "so and so left." As I mentioned earlier, too much of anything isn't good.
Team tagging is a thing where a few people in a group gang up on one individual, a slight disagreement becomes new chaos.
Too many personalities are trying to get what they require or what they wish to relay. Very few are listening. Most people wait their turn to text what they believe is best. Time to assess a message has shortened into instantaneous responses by people who view life differently and carry various perspectives. Expecting everyone to concur is ludicrous.
For all the degrees and certifications out there today, we may need one on how to treat people over messages - Message Etiquette. Be civil, courteous, and be whom you want others to see yourself if you are in a group message. If people leave a group, there must be some feelings left unattended.
When we take people for granted, it shows through the words we choose in our messages, regardless of the platform. Suppose you receive a loving and kind text. Have some manners and reply when you have a moment. If you are not in a good mood yourself, stay away from social media messages. Remember, these advanced devices were created to make your communication/life easier, not worse. Use it wisely.
The first thing they teach you in Kindergarten: BE NICE!
Practice Message Patience & Eradicate expectations
