Stuff No-one Shares
WINGS ARE EARNED
Yet We Experience it at One Time or Another
For a long time, people circled me; however, I sensed isolation. I was smothered by synergy while still, I famished unconditional affection. The mere presence of another body manifested love. I knew I yearned for more. I was soliciting, dreaming, desiring nonstop. I was using my sincerest words only for them to be shoved back in my face with insults, suffocating me. It was 'MY' fault; by zeroing in on my flaws (not in a positive light), was killing all the "us." How could they save me when they're doing the same thing. Everyone is searching and yearning for more. Almost as if it's never enough. No perspective of any kind kept me sane—no messiah to my rescue. I was in charge of my eventuality and happiness. Ergo I burned it all down. I shredded it apart. I took what I required, unselfishly, and let the rubble show itself to me. What remained? What persisted? “I” did. And from there, I grew my extensions.
Initially, I was repressing the ongoing flames. I remained furious. For so long, I felt ostracized, neglected, voiceless. I felt suffocated by words and actions that brought others peace. What was this? Why was it so painful? It wasn't about me; it felt like it was haunting inside me, and I kept ignoring it, thinking it would just go away. But it can not. Of course not. Not until we recognize its actual existence and call it for what it blatantly is, our 'PAIN BODY".
My pain body fought to scream to relinquish. However, I kept quiet and carried others. My desire to maintain comes out with my ability to stand up for myself and remind them who I am. What I needed to do was remind myself first. Once I became cognizant that I always was free, it still wasn't about me, because the damage from the vortexes of emotions between relationships settled as misfortune. The pain only spreads to hurt others. I didn't want to fall into this contagious misery. Despite the cold, raging resentment I felt, I knew revenge would bring me no closure. Revenge is for the weak. I chose to put my vulnerable hand out there and spread kindness instead. Did it continuously work? At times it did; at times, it did not. And at times, it only served for a one-way benefit, clearly not mine.
Some took my hand, crushed it, crinkled it, burnt it, cuffed it. Others embraced it, protected it, united their hand, and prayed collectively. I stayed firm and positive. The truest rush came from believing in those around me. The deeper I saw the humility, respectfulness, kindness, and excellence in others around me, the further I acknowledged my positive attributes and fell in love with myself, appreciating my unique gifts. Understanding yourself is a huge, daily, and emerging process.
They say with great power comes great responsibility, and that applies to passion as well. I realized that my passion was to inspire others to feel good. Once the self-love is born, it only grows healthier and happier. Spreading joy became an addiction. The more smiles I see around me, the stronger I feel. Passing inspiration has become my life purpose. One that feeds my inner soul, as well. It's a win-win. However, the stricter journey was to discover the limitations and only pour your heart into efforts to aid your growth rather than inhibit it. If your efforts are not working, do not waste more energy, you must stop. Continuing the struggle as a nemesis will only make you regress. You are too healthy and beautiful, and you carry a greater purpose.
Acceptance and transcendence isn't anything innovative. However, this wasn't my first rebirth. If you have known me long enough, you've seen plenty of versions of me as I conceived my internal cocoon and crescendoed into a wiser iteration. I'm no stranger to burned bridges and wear my share of scars reminding me of my decisions. I don't act without importance. There are a few things in this world I will fight for, high on that list is 'MYSELF.' Strength, when overextended, becomes a weakness. You can give, but don't give yourself away. You can love, but don't do so blindly. You can take, but know when to restrain.
Find balance, inner peace. The initial step to peace is to eliminate and heal the pain body. Once there is less noise in your mind and body, there is more room for silence and balance. Balance everything; it's hard to know what that means right now. Maybe it means knowing when to shut down or walk away, when to sleep or be alone, when to call family or a friend, and seek professional help to talk about a subject that is a little too heavy for your inner circle. The balance will look different to everyone because only you will know what you can carry. Find your center, your purpose, and ignite your world.
Find Yourself,
Aneela K.
Finding yourself never comes easy. A little guidance can assist miraculously. I highly recommend the following self-help read. The author uses many of his own experiences, which makes it all seem more relatable. Good Luck to you all.
content inspiration credit : Kaluohs